I saw your face today. Of course, never in the way I’d most hope to. It’s been a while. Of all the things covid took from the world, it took your precious face from me. Pictures became masked, adventures became nonexistent, birthdays became solitary. I have missed every moment from afar. I’d have missed them …
It’s just typical day in the world of special needs parenting. Wake up, breakfast, naps, therapy. Tuesday is OT (occupational therapy) day. Everyone is in a decent enough mood. No fires to put out (except for the literal mini fire in the toaster at 6am, thanks husband). But I still have this heaviness within me. …
Really…what does it mean? What does it look like when one trusts someone, or is able to be vulnerable? How can I overcome this massive blockade? I don’t have much experience with healthy relationships. My marriage is one, my therapist is another, some solid friendships here and there. And still, even in those, my comfort …
Another hungover morning. Aren’t they all? Maybe I finished my last drink, maybe I passed out before I could. There’s likely at least something left in my glass from the night before. Something strong. Why wouldn’t I drink it? It’s already made. It’s just a little. I’m not actually pouring a drink. It doesn’t really …
(This post is in no way directed to my husband, who is in fact the best father I’ve ever witnessed, and to him I indeed wish him the very, very best Father’s Day ever. You’re the very best dad to our boys. I love you with all of me.) I didn’t hear from you on …
Therapy. Ugh. What a stupid concept. Sit there and talk about my problems. Bleck. Who even does that? That’s stupid. Why should I pay someone to listen to me? Fuck that. All thoughts I had for years. (Wait for the punchline guys, trust me.) But really….it’s so much more than that. My journey into the …
While giving my backstory is indescribably important into the telling of who I am and why…sometimes that’s exhausting. It can be exhausting and traumatic to relive, experience, and think about all of that again. I want to depart from that for just a second here, because this is very, very much also me. Many nights …
In my senior year of high school, things had pretty much gone to shit. I had decided I was done. The pain was too much, the grief, life had gotten the best of me. I knew I needed help, I knew I wasn’t long for this world if things didn’t change. Simply put, I was …
(You can find parts 1 and 2 of my backstory here) Shortly before I graduated high school, when things were just at an all time low for me, I was basically in self preservation mode. I was doing anything I could think of just to survive. I had just gotten out of that 3 year …
If you missed part 1, you can find that here. It details everything up until this point. So far, we’ve been through an abusive and traumatic home life, multiple surgeries, an (at that time) undiagnosed genetic disorder, and a whole slew of other issues. I’m battling with horrible depression, anxiety, insomnia, ptsd, and surgical recovery, …