Today was awful. I will go into more detail tomorrow when I post, but, for now, the relevant information was just that it was a really, truly bad day. I was upset. I was triggered. All of the worst feelings of anxiety and panic and feelings of not having control over ANYTHING in my life […]
Checking in with myself Read More »
Yesterday, I was sad. And since it’s springtime…the only obvious solution was to buy some more baby chicks. This is something I do every year, and plan for ahead of time…but yesterday was a spur of the moment decision. I already have 15 coming at the end of May…so it’s not like I wasn’t already
The many forms of addiction Read More »
Well, we made it to Monday. We got through the weekend and now we’re here. I don’t mind Mondays so much anymore because usually my oldest son is back at school (except today he is still home), and I end my day with therapy. I’m looking forward to therapy tonight because it’s one of those
I tried to go slower tonight. Start later, make it weaker…drink it more slowly. And I succeeded. Until about…an hour into the night. And now, here we are. And I’ve had more than I should have. Still having more than I should. I know I should stop. I want to stop. I know I’ll regret
Can’t stop. Even when I want to. Read More »
I’ve been denying it for weeks. It’s not that bad, it’s a coincidence, there’s no way I’m there yet. But tonight, it was undeniable. A sudden, massive headache, a different kind of anxiousness, and shaky hands. All from being 40 minutes late on my first drink. It took a little longer to put the baby
It’s no secret that lately, I’ve been heading down a dark path. A path that I’m honestly trying to get off of. I’m working a lot harder in therapy and trying to stick to the goals we come up with, I’m being more open and honest…I opened up to my best friend about it… But
I don’t want to burden you, but thank you for being there. Read More »
It’s a night. Nothing is wrong except for the fact that everything is wrong. Lighters are tempting. Sharp objects are tempting. Pills are tempting. And I just want it all. I want to die. I want out. I fucking want out. There are parts of me that don’t care about the joy or the love
I know myself as a failure. That’s how I recognize myself the best. Not good enough, inadequate…an imposter in my own life. No matter what role in life I take on, I’ll never do it justice. A mom? Please. Not good enough. You’re lucky they’re still here. Still okay. Not to mention the fucked up
Well, we did it. We finally got our power back on last night after 3 days in the dark. It was cold but we survived. I did not do well with my drinking goal last night. I’ve been struggling a lot with darker thoughts lately and I think because of that, I’m compensating by drinking
Fragile, but fighting. Read More »
Do you ever spend your nights getting blackout drunk while simultaneously googling things like “recovery coaches” or “AA meetings in your area”? No? Just me? Okay, well shit. Maybe that means that I’m making progress. Or maybe it means that I’m regressing. Honestly, who the fuck knows. Here’s a little behind the scenes info for