addiction

I don’t want to do what’s hard, I want to do what feels good.

That’s the phrase going around in my head right now. Like a child throwing a tantrum. I don’t want to do what’s right, what’s hard…what’s “good”. I want to do what feels good. What feels good right now. Not next week, not next month, I want to feel good right now. I want what’s easy, …

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When “I love you” turns into “I need you”

There are 2 very opposing sides of me. The colder, more distant and avoidant version…and the more needy, clingy, very, very broken version of me. These 2 different versions of me could not be more opposing. They are both very broken, but I guess they are different kinds of broken. The version of myself that …

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If only drinking could fix it…but it can’t.

Lately, I have been feeling particularly trapped and defeated in this seemingly impossible life of mine. Everything that I’m currently going through and having to deal with feels incredibly…..fragile, handle with care, if you will. I don’t want to talk about it, because frankly, I suck at verbally expressing myself on any given day, and …

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A grumpy Sunday morning

It’s Sunday morning. Things should be fine, nothing is “wrong” nothing bad happened, but I woke up in a bad mood. I don’t want to be around people, and to be honest, I wouldn’t blame them if they didn’t want to be around me either. I don’t feel good about myself physically, I’m craving alcohol …

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Worthy of pride?

It has been 32 days since I’ve taken a drink. It’s been that long since I got a positive pregnancy test. I want to be proud of myself. I want to feel complete, or accomplished, or any sort of positive thing about it…but I don’t. It doesn’t feel earned. It doesn’t feel like anything worthy …

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