blogging

“Please love me through it”

There’s a very real possibility that within the next few weeks, I will absolutely (temporarily) become the very the worst version of myself. As of this moment, I have not got more than…25?hours sober in…years. I’ve pushed, I’ve tried, I’ve extended the zone…but let’s be real. It’s been years since I’ve ever been more than …

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Reconnecting with my past

I’ve always been a writer. Even going as far back as elementary school, I’ve always gravitated towards writing to communicate my feelings. I had…a rather intense childhood, and it’s not something I like to think about or relive. Since we’re going to be starting EMDR in therapy soon…I’m kind of going to be forced to …

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The validity of pain

Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve to feel. Like I haven’t earned the right to be upset, or grieve or feel loss or pain or hurt. I always feel like my pain isn’t valid. Or that it isn’t big enough or real enough, or anything like that. I always look for others to validate …

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When the pain just doesn’t end

I’d rather die than keep missing him like this. I’m sorry, I know that’s a harsh start to a post…but it’s true. I’d rather die than live without him. He’s literally my child, and I’m navigating this world without him. And that just…..it doesn’t make any sense. It’s only getting harder. He’ll be 8 this …

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Panic

Anxiety when it makes no sense. But really, if you look at it…it makes perfect sense. Anxiety when you feel useless. Anxiety when you don’t feel good enough. When you feel like no one cares. When all you feel is alone. Anxiety. Panic. Isolation.Fear. Whatever it feels like…whatever you call it…does it really matter? It’s …

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