The holidays are hard. Well, for some of us, anyway. For me, they’re quite hard. Thanksgiving is associated with a lot of trauma for me. It was the beginning of what would become…another version of hell for me. Growing up the way I did, in a household full of abuse and fear and trauma…I craved …
I think it’s fair to say that the hardest topic for me to write about it my kids and their struggles. All 3 of my kids struggle physically, a courtesy of the genetic disorder that the 4 of us share. But sometimes, my oldest son in particular, struggles with behavior as well. Now, this is …
My strongest desire right now is to run. Run from my life. Run from my problems, run from my fears. Right now, things are just about as bad as they get. On the outside? I’m seemingly very strong. Very put together…very normal. But that’s not how I’m feeling. I’m feeling frantic. I’m feeling overwhelmed. And …
This is the text that I sent my best friend this morning: I’m venting. I’ve been having really inconsistent, like I’ll have them for a few hours and then they’ll stop, contractions. And they definitely hurt. And back pain and all that. I really think I’m at least like 2 or 3 cm dilated. And …
The other night, I was on Reddit, and I saw a post that really hit home for me. The headline was “it all happened because your abusers don’t accept their own trauma. And that’s a good enough reason for you to accept your own trauma.” It was short, it was simple…but damn, did it really …
Maybe I should warn you now, this post might be one you disagree with, or not understand, and that’s okay. I’m aware I’m probably in the minority with my feelings, but that’s okay too. I don’t talk about religion or God much or anything like that. Usually, I avoid the topic at all costs. The …
Right now, I am sitting in the heart hospital for an echo and a few other tests. As I was walking in, I felt nervous and uneasy. And kind of afraid. My 2 children and I have a severe genetic disorder, and one of the things it causes is cardiomyopathy. We are all at very …
When your fears remind you of your childrens strength Read More »
Why do all the demons choose to confront me when the rest of the world is sleeping? Why do the nightmares threatening to overcome, prevent sleep from ever becoming a reality? Am I really so undeserving of the peaceful promise of sleep? It seems to come so easily for everyone else…yet for me, it’s an …
Last night, I did something for the first time in literally years. I went to the movies. Yes, shocking, I know. I actually don’t know what’s more shocking, the fact that I actually went, or the fact that we haven’t gone in years. My husband and I used to go relatively frequently, maybe once a …
Dear universe, please help me. I feel so scared and alone right now. Everything hurts and I feel like there’s no way out but…out. I’m losing ground in a battle that isn’t mine to win. I feel like I’m drowning, and instead of sending lifeboats, people are throwing rocks. Universe, I don’t ask of much …