cptsd

It didn’t happen, but it did.

It didn’t happened if you drink enough to forget. It didn’t happen if you block it from your mind. It didn’t happen if you so convincingly tell yourself that it didn’t. It didn’t happen if it doesn’t seem like it even possibly could have happened. It didn’t happen if it seems like you’re making too …

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If it’s not okay for you, why is it for me?

What does it mean when I honestly don’t know what’s okay and what isn’t? I know the difference for other people, there is no grey area there. I know how to treat other people, I can clearly see the boundaries for anyone but myself. I have a firm grasp on right and wrong, appropriate or …

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Alone

He took the boys out this morning. I should be grateful, and I am. Finally, a moment of peace for the first time this week. A chance to catch my breath and just breathe, exist in the stillness. But it doesn’t feel good. It feels lonely. It feels isolating. These quiet moments are exactly what …

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7a.m. Cocktails

Another hungover morning. Aren’t they all? Maybe I finished my last drink, maybe I passed out before I could. There’s likely at least something left in my glass from the night before. Something strong. Why wouldn’t I drink it? It’s already made. It’s just a little. I’m not actually pouring a drink. It doesn’t really …

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