Dear #1, Tonight is not a special night. It’s not a birthday, not an anniversary, not a momentous night by any means. But it is you who occupies my mind tonight. To be honest, you occupy my mind nearly always. But I don’t often allow the thoughts of you to grow. Thinking of you causes …
Today we started early in Hollywood studios. The day isn’t over yet and we are on our way to dinner at the Wilderness Lodge, but it’s been a busy day. Throughout this whole trip I’ve been really trying to focus on small moments of true happiness, without the guilt, or sadness or anxiety or any …
Sometimes I wish that everything would just stop. Just for a minute, long enough to catch my breath, to catch up. It seems like there is always something to do, and I just don’t have time to get it all done myself. Between our schedule, the hours of therapies every day, parenting in general…sometimes I …
That’s it. That’s all I have to say for now. Life is freaking hard. And it’s painful. And it’s often times confusing as hell to navigate. I often have no idea what I’m doing. Because this crap is hard. I often question whether or not it’s supposed to be this difficult, but that really doesn’t …
Of all I had to deal with tonight, you were the most unexpected. I’m extremely rarely brought to tears…but tonight I easily am. In terms of the evening, in terms of what I was afraid was going to happen…things went unfortunately as expected. But I didn’t expect to see you. To see pictures of you… …
Last week, something happened. I’m still not sure what to call it, how to classify if, but for arguments sake, let’s say it falls under the category of sexual assault. But I really don’t want to talk about it. That’s a lie, I desperately want to talk about it. But wanting to and knowing how …
No matter how much I want to, I’ll never be able to speak the words that my head is screaming. I’ll always be a disappointment. Burdened to carry the weight of the world myself. I need to get this away from me. I need to share the weight of it. This is crushing me, and …
I said tonight would be the night. The night I take those first steps (for the hundredth time). The night that I would push back that first drink of the evening. It doesn’t need to be so early. Push it a little, wait an hour, 2 if you’re feeling good. I thought I could do …
Feel worse, drink more. Or, is it drink more, feel worse? Could it really be better if I feel worse…but drink less? That doesn’t seem possible. Life happens, a shit day, whatever excuse you have. Drink the pain away. I’m sure that will make it better. Alcohol solves all problems. Until it creates its own. …
Does drinking make life worse, or does life make drinking worse? Read More »
It didn’t happened if you drink enough to forget. It didn’t happen if you block it from your mind. It didn’t happen if you so convincingly tell yourself that it didn’t. It didn’t happen if it doesn’t seem like it even possibly could have happened. It didn’t happen if it seems like you’re making too …