Sometimes, therapy just….is what it is. I knew last night would be hard. I knew I’d have to talk about the things that hurt the most. And that’s exactly what happened. As soon as I got there, she basically said “let’s color today, it seems like a good day for coloring”. I totally didn’t disagree. …
“I’ll be home in a few days” “I’ll be home Wednesday, I promise” “I’m booking a flight today. I’ll be home on Friday. I’m serious, I’m holding my ground this time.” All of this has been said by my husband the past few days. and every single time, I responded with “sure. Okay”. Not once …
When I tell you that I had a phenomenally bad day yesterday…I truly mean just that. I mean that it was an egregiously bad day. And I never want to think about it again or relive it. By some kind of actual miracle, I ended up having therapy yesterday afternoon. I didn’t have my typical …
I’ve had a phenomenally bad week. It’s been one of grief and loss and pain and anger. On April 4th, my birth sons birthday, one of my really good friends delivered her baby sleeping. She had a placental abruption, and the baby didn’t make it. It’s been completely devastating, and I’ve been feeling that grief …
The day before. I hate today. I thought tomorrow would be hard, but I think today is just as hard. There are so many emotions mixed in to today. Today was the last day of my life before it would be completely changed forever. It can easily be separated into before and after. Unless you …
Suddenly, the world feels a million pounds heavier. Everything is building up, nothing can get done. Things are getting harder and harder and harder. Thoughts are becoming darker and darker and darker. Things are going on that I don’t know how to get into. Like, despite the fact that I asked, I reached out, I …
Hey, I’m just checking in. I’m one of those annoying people that notices and cares when I think something might be up, so I just wanted to let you know that I’m here if you need me at all or need to talk. Hope you’re doing okay. ❤️ That was the exact message that I …
Mother’s Day is a hard day for me. I’d go so far as to say that sometimes, I really hate it. I parent 2 boys, and I’m pregnant with my third boy that I will parent. But none of those 3 boys made me a mom. None of those boys were the one that forever …
April 3rd, 2014“I can’t believe I’ve made it this far. This long without cutting, drinking, smoking…I can’t believe it’s all almost over. I had a doctor appointment the other day and I’m going to be induced tonight on the 3rd, and hopefully deliver on the 4th. That was my actual due date. I should’ve called …
From the journal of a girl who is about to lose her son… Read More »
It’s 11pm…a time when lately, my 11 weeks pregnant self would be nearly passed out from pure exhaustion. But tonight, my eyes are too filled with tears to close them. Thoughts of you…missing you, loving you, regretting every decision I ever made… 8 years ago today, I’m sure I was also having a sleepless night. …