Dear therapist, You and I have been through some serious shit together. At least 9 years of shit. Maybe even closer to 10. Things haven’t always been easy and sunshine and rainbows and smooth sailing when it comes to our relationship. In fact, there’s actually been a lot of hurdles and obstacles and struggles that […]
Dear therapist, I appreciate you Read More »
Sometimes, things just get so bad that I shut down, even from myself. I know it seemed like things couldn’t possibly get worse…but I assure you, they did. The kind of worse where I hit some new lows that I haven’t hit in a few years. The kind of low that I’d describe as almost
Now don’t lose your fight, kid Read More »
What do you do? What do you do when it’s 12:01 in the morning. You want to sleep. In fact…you’re desperate for sleep. Yet…there’s something in the way. That nagging…loud and getting louder and louder voice…telling you to stop. To give up. To go away. It’s tomorrow now. Just barely. Maybe we still consider it
When it rains, it pours. That’s what they say at least. And. Let. Me. Tell. You. Oooooh boy, the floodgates of hell itself have opened up, and not only is it raining, but it’s pouring down the most acidic, fiery and poisonous raindrops down onto my life. Let’s recap real quick. Just…real quick. What my
What, you thought it wouldn’t get worse? Read More »
Sometimes, when you’re in the thick of it, all you can do is do…and keep doing. You can’t feel. You can’t stop. There’s no time to slow down. You just simply…continue on. Like, fight and flight both happening at the same time, both extremes somehow working together to just…help you survive. Autopilot. Going through the
Accepting that I’m sad Read More »
When words are hard to find, when my voice gets silenced and writing becomes impossible….thats one of the biggest red flags that exists for me. There are some things that, over time, I’ve learned are major signs that something is wrong. Namely, not being able to write, and also the opposite…writing a ton. Writing because
I need a minute. Or maybe two. Just to catch my breath again. These past few weeks, these past few months even, have been…unimaginably difficult. And truthfully, there’s no end in sight. I need a moment of stillness. Of peace, and stillness…and quietness. No fires to put out. No emergencies. Or hospital stays. Or crises.
Catching my breath Read More »
Dear son, Today, you turned 10 years old. Despite the fact that absolutely nothing about today went right, I still did what I always do on April 4th each year. Listened to my songs that remind me of you. Thought of you ALL day long. Carried you with me, and honored you in every way
He’s 10, and the grief doesn’t end. Read More »
I’ve been struggling recently with the word “fair”. My life certainly isn’t fair. It sucks. It’s hard. And I hate it. My kids are suffering, my family is heavily impacted, and it’s been brutal. I got 1 hour and 27 minutes of sleep last night. Why? Well, as you may or may not know, my
What is “fair”, does that even exist? Read More »
The worst part about a Tuesday morning is how far away the next Monday night is. That’s what I’m thinking about at just after 6am this morning while laying in a hospital room for the 7th day in a row, while my son sleeps a few feet away. Last night felt almost normal. Almost. I
One foot in front of the other Read More »