Sometimes, something happens in your life that is so big, so painful, so thought consuming…whatever it is, it’s huge. To you, it feels like everything. It could be an anniversary, a traumatic event, a breakup, a loss, whatever it is, to you, it’s everything. It feels like the biggest thing in the world. When it …
When you question how the Earth is still spinning Read More »
It’s usually at night, once the alcohol starts reclaiming its all to familiar home within my body, that my brain allows itself to wander. To feel, just for a moment. “Tell someone”. My head is screaming at me to tell someone. Tell my husband. Tell my friends. Tell literally anyone. Sometimes I think one drink …
It’s been a while since you’ve waken me this abruptly, with images so vivid I question their reality. It’s been a few days since I’ve sat awake at 2am lonely and afraid to close my eyes again. Usually I dull you, nightmares. Usually I drink you into silence. I suppose I fell asleep too early …
My therapist is always telling me to “stop chasing the feeling”. It pisses me off just a little, not gonna lie, and I really have no idea what she means. But it stuck. It sunk in. She’s right, that is what I do. And more often than not, it gets me into trouble. I’m always …
Tonight, you’re telling me to drink more. And more…and more. You’re telling me that I’m not worth it. You’re telling me that I should give in, give up. You are trying to convince me that I’m not lovable, that in fact, my husband laying next to me is a liar for trying to convince me …
I thought it would be okay. It thought it wouldn’t happen again. But it did, and it happened worse. He touched me, he kissed me, he assaulted me. He put his hands on me. Under my clothes…inside me. These are not unclear circumstances, and I am not okay. If I was unclear before, if I …
He assaulted me again, and tonight I am not unclear. Read More »
I often (okay, basically always) allow myself just the bare minimum of basic human needs necessary for survival. I don’t know about you, but for me in my life, I put myself last. Being a mom, and also having extremely low self worth as it is, it’s so incredibly easy to just forget about myself …
You hear the stories of others, watch someone else’s life unfold, and you think to yourself “but that will never be me”. “I would never make those choices, I would never do that.” “I would never be that unlucky.” “I’d never put myself in that position.” “I would get out before it got too bad.” …
In a world full of turmoil and pain, I find myself struggling to find my footing. I know what I want, I know what I need, but it doesn’t seem to come easily for me. I’ve been having a hard time lately. I’m feeling lost, betrayed, and so, so angry. Angry about what happened, angry …
Tonight, I’ll drink to forget. I’ll drink so I can forget this feeling, this self loathing for not being enough. For not doing a good enough job. I’ll drink to forget how I failed, how I feel like I’m constantly letting you down. I’ll drink to drown out the internal screaming voices of hatred that …