Tonight sucks. I’m feeling alone. (Deja fucking vu, right?) I don’t think this phase of life will ever end. I’m beginning to feel like my husband will never come home. (His dad is very sick and he’s been taking care of him for the past few weeks). These nights get…intense. Sleeping has gotten harder. The …
Things feel like they’re as bad as they possible can be right now. Now, I know, if your my therapist, you don’t necessarily give a shit about how it feels. And I supposedly should be doing better anyway. Therapy last night was bad. It just was. And after 2 bad weeks in a row, that …
Today was one of those days that just started off horribly. I woke up abruptly from a nightmare, to a real life nightmare. At least, that’s what it felt like. Yesterday we had some horrible storms and massive flooding in our area. Yet, I still had to drive my son to school, and my other …
Nightmares are nothing new to me. For the majority of my life, I’ve suffered from then at varying intensities. They can be anywhere from a mild annoyance to completely life altering and causing me to be unable to sleep. It’s actually a big reason why I started drinking. If I drink enough, I don’t remember …
Another fucked up nightmare, come to grace me with its presence. I’m never sure which is worse, the nightmares of my dreams, or the nightmares of my reality. They both come around to haunt me when it’s their time. I’m just a failure born to lose. This fight was never mine to win. Not alone, …
She’s right, I am all or nothing. It feels good or it doesn’t. And if it doesn’t feel good now, it must never have felt good. Laying next to me like a stranger instead of holding me like a friend. It isn’t his fault. I’m sure it’s mine. It always is. Right? Tonight did not …
I had a blog post written and ready to go for this morning, but then, this morning happened. And it suddenly wasn’t the content matter that felt important for today. I’m feeling so disconnected from everyone lately. The past few weeks have been rough. Going from twice a week to once a week in therapy …
I’m struggling tonight, as I knew I would. With nightfall comes the dark thoughts, and with that comes the intense desire to drink. I’ve been distracting myself from it for hours now. Writing, watching shows, reading…but the more I fight it, the louder the voices get. But that’s not who I want to be. How …
Another night, laying awake. While most people count sheep, she counts bad decisions. “Actions have consequences”. The words she reminds her son echoing in her head, as if she didn’t already know them to be true. It wasn’t a bad day. She didn’t do anything wrong or hurt anyone, she nearly never does. Yet still, …
Why do all the demons choose to confront me when the rest of the world is sleeping? Why do the nightmares threatening to overcome, prevent sleep from ever becoming a reality? Am I really so undeserving of the peaceful promise of sleep? It seems to come so easily for everyone else…yet for me, it’s an …