I finally had therapy last night after a brutal 3 week break. I was nervous and had so much anxiety going into it, but I think it went…okay? In true me fashion, I spent the first little while rambling awkwardly about my life and about my kids. There has been a lot that’s gone on …
It starts with one drink. One, simple, weak, controlled drink. A seltzer, not even a real drink. I was grieving, I was sad. I deserve this. Then, it was two. Because one drink never stays one drink. Two seltzers. They don’t count. It’s not even a mixed drink. It’s not a cocktail. It doesn’t count. …
Well, I had a very familiar, very scary mindset set in on Friday. I had just gotten the kids to bed, no one else was home, and I was getting my own dinner ready. Then, as I was standing there at the sink, I saw it. An open bottle of wine….just sitting there. Speaking to …
Surrender. To give up control of something to someone else. You cannot fix someone else, you cannot make them get help, you cannot force them to address and acknowledge a problem that they are not ready to. When you do addiction work, you hear a lot about that word. About surrendering. And also of acceptance. …
I woke up today just feeling…bad. Sad for no specific reason, with this sense of doom that it’s just going to be a bad day. There’s no real reason for it, nothing that triggered it or caused it…I just…feel sad. I feel hopeless and lonely and like nothing can or will ever change. Honestly, my …
When therapy goes well, everything else seems to go well, too. Last night, thankfully, therapy went well. And by “went well”, I don’t mean that’s she’s “nice” to me, or easy on me, or anything like that…(although that is always preferred)…I mean that we end up having a good conversation, I don’t feel overly anxious …
Last night, I got a notification on my phone that notified me of a “milestone” I had reached…being 6 months sober. I immediately brushed it off and swiped away the notification, as I have done with others like it in the past, and moved on. But something about it bothered me. Normally, 6 months would …
I had a rough day yesterday. The kind of day that, by the evening, made not drinking seem like an absolutely impossible task. I’ll be honest, it was rough, and I really wanted to. I felt like I needed to. The anxiety was just…it was bad. It felt like everything was completely out of my …
So, I did something kind of cool (for me, anyway)…I reached out and asked for help. Look, I don’t know if this is one of those “big deal” things, and we all know that I hate labels here. But I’m also honest. And even when it’s hard, I have to be honest with myself. Part …
It’s Sunday night, and for what seems like no reason at all, I’m sitting here suffering through relentless anxiety. There’s really no good reason for it. It was a good weekend, my husband was actually in a good mood (as opposed to feeling stressed and overwhelmed at times) and didn’t make me feel anything less …