sobriety

Do nights bring out the worst in me? Or are they just more honest?

Late at night, after admittedly too many drinks…I feel everything. I feel everything I’m afraid to feel during the day. I feel what I hide, what I shut down, what I convince myself just isn’t worth feeling. But it’s there. And it is worth feeling. It demands to be felt. It resurfaces constantly. Every single …

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Searching for…..something

My therapist is always telling me to “stop chasing the feeling”. It pisses me off just a little, not gonna lie, and I really have no idea what she means. But it stuck. It sunk in. She’s right, that is what I do. And more often than not, it gets me into trouble. I’m always …

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27

Year 27. A year I’d never thought I’d make it to. To be honest, I’m surprised every year when I turn a year older. It just always feels like an accomplishment, like I survived once again despite the odds being stacked against me. Year 26 was brutal. Most of it life circumstances, some of it …

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Does drinking make life worse, or does life make drinking worse?

Feel worse, drink more. Or, is it drink more, feel worse? Could it really be better if I feel worse…but drink less? That doesn’t seem possible. Life happens, a shit day, whatever excuse you have. Drink the pain away. I’m sure that will make it better. Alcohol solves all problems. Until it creates its own. …

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7a.m. Cocktails

Another hungover morning. Aren’t they all? Maybe I finished my last drink, maybe I passed out before I could. There’s likely at least something left in my glass from the night before. Something strong. Why wouldn’t I drink it? It’s already made. It’s just a little. I’m not actually pouring a drink. It doesn’t really …

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