Site icon Something Worth Fighting For: Life Goes On

Foggy mornings

Usually I love bad weather days. There’s an undeniable romance about the weather matching your mood.

This morning everything just feels foggy. The air, my lungs, I can’t see very far.

It’s hard to breathe, hard to focus, hard to even want to.

My future feels too distant. Who am I kidding, tomorrow feels too distant.

I wish I could just give in, hide under my covers and let the stillness overtake me. That would be too easy.

But would it be? Sure, it’s easier to stop, to hide and withdraw, to isolate from the universe, but does it feel better?

Does giving up feel better? I know I don’t have that option. I have to move, have to show up and be present. The curse of motherhood, I guess. Or maybe that’s the gift of it, some days I can’t tell.

Today, I just don’t want to. I want to hide and not show up. I want to be physically still and emotionally absent. Another day of pain and emotional turmoil feels like one day too many.

The thing about fog though, is that it usually burns up, dissipates with the sun. I hope I find my sun today…because otherwise I’m going to need some hazard lights. And I’m not sure what those look like.

All I know right now is that I just don’t have the strength. My body feels weak. Maybe a caffeine infusion will do the trick.

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