For as different as things have been feeling lately…I think things are finally starting to fall into place a little bit. The out of the ordinary is starting to feel ordinary, the things not normally part of my day are starting to feel like a normal part of every day now, and the weird is […]
Keep trying, keep going, keep fighting Read More »
There’s a certain desperate loneliness that being in the hospital has to offer. It feels so dark and gloomy and isolating. It seems like I hit this wall with every hospital stay. Around the third day I just feel so…alone. It feels like the entire world suddenly weighs a billion pounds more, and it’s all
A heavy, lonely burden Read More »
This entire week has been, if nothing else, a truly unforgettable week. For about a hundred different reasons. While I’m not yet ready to recap it completely, today is our last full day here. It consists of a good bit more testing, labs, EMGSs and EKGs. And who knows what else. Yesterday was hard. Every
Harder than I hoped Read More »
Today was a bad day. Straight up, point blank. A bad day. It did not go the way I hoped it would, in fact, this entire week has not gone the way I thought it would. My husband and I got into an argument again, mostly because of communication (and his extreme lack there of),
When you don’t handle conflict the same way, anxiety, and some self hatred. Read More »
Today was a rough day. That’s okay, that happens sometimes. My body has not been feeling its best self physically, my emotions are all over the place… It’s just been rough. In more ways than one. It’s nights like these, where I’m feeling a little bit extra fragile, that I need to…..be careful of. I’m
Self medicating sucks. Until it doesn’t. And then it does again. Read More »
Even now, in the “best I’ve felt in years”, coming off a high of 2 vacations back to back, I’m struggling. Even now, after a day that wasn’t all bad. A day that had its moments of hope and promise…I’m struggling. Struggling means a lot of different things for me. Sometimes, it means the most
Even now…I’m struggling. Read More »
Lately, it’s been abundantly clear that depression has once again gripped its claws into me with no real signs of letting go anytime soon. Despite me literally just…being depressed…there have been some other signs that my body is screaming at me about that something isn’t quite right. Exhaustion. Let me be clear. If there is
The physical side of depression Read More »
I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, to be honest, you probably haven’t…but depression is kicking my fucking ass lately. I’ve tried to mask it, tried to downplay it and ignore it…but it’s just so big right now. Tonight sucks. For what seems like “no reason in particular”…I am having a really hard night.
Depression doesn’t have to make sense Read More »
I’m in a strange phase of life right now. I’ve been in it for a while, but it feels pretty significant right now. This…constant push and pull. The… I love you, I need you, please don’t leave me… I don’t need you, I’m fine on my own, go away. With my husband, with my friends,
Alone, but not alone…? Read More »
Well, my husband has been gone for a while now. For honestly, what feels like forever. (He’s taking care of his dad who has been in a serious health decline.) I guess I’m feeling particularly lonely tonight. And it isn’t even 9pm yet! Last night I joked that after 9pm, my life basically just becomes
When the nights get longer and longer Read More »
