It’s the last few hours of my 27th year alive.
To be honest, a birthday is just another day on the calendar, a position in space and time…nothing to make a big deal of. Unless, of course, you choose to.
I always sarcastically make a big deal out of my birthday. When you’re the youngest child growing up, I think making a very big deal out of your birthday is basically a birthright.
This year ended a lot differently than it began. And while I’ll elaborate my thoughts on that more tomorrow on my actual birthday, it strikes me as odd that tonight, I’m sober.
I’m ending a year, an occasion, a mark on the calendar….sober. And that is…it’s just so shockingly different than it was last year. Yes, I’m pregnant and truthfully, that’s the only reason why I’m sober, but still. It counts.
Anyway, it was just something heavy on my mind right now, and I wanted to get it out.
I still can’t believe it, can’t believe I made it to this point. Can’t believe I believed in myself enough to allow myself to get pregnant, fully knowing I’d have to endure sobriety to achieve it. It’s been hard, but worth it.
If I never spend another birthday eve sober again…at least for this one, for my last 27th day…I can say I did it. I’m sober.
At least for today. And right now, “for today” is good enough for me.