This was…..not the best start to a new year that there’s ever been.
In fact, I’d safely say it was actually the worst. It was very likely the worst New Year’s Eve midnight that I’ve ever experienced.
It was a great day and a great night. Up until 11:30pm. And my sister. My fucking sister.
Well, she just went ahead and ruined it all. Because of course she did. She just has to.
Everything was going great. My husband, brother and I were all hanging out and doing our own thing, watching funny things, eating delicious air fryer snacks, and vibing.
My parents went next door to my aunt and uncles house, and we did not.
They all came to my house around 11:30pm…and that was when my sister came out of her room, undoubtedly just to start shit.
She said some offensive shit to me, called me fat in THE most aggressively passive aggressive way she possible could have, and just….whew. Amongst her many fucked up issues, eating disorders have always been one of them. And I certainly did not appreciate that.
That was pretty much the start of the downward spiral for the night. I spent the next several hours crying, not just because of her comment but because of all that happened afterwards.
Despite waking up in the morning with a ridiculously puffy face, bruises on my arms (an anxiety response I don’t even realize is happening while it’s happening) and some self injury marks…..I tried to rally.
I made it the best day I possibly could, and last night, finally, was a good night. I even let my husband have 3 Trulys! (Slowly, over a long time, forcing water down his throat in between.) He’s basically allergic to alcohol and gets violently sick when he drinks anything, which terrifies both of us, so I have some ptsd from him drinking. He recently got prescribed a bunch of medications for various reasons (migraines, the ear exploding thing, etc) so he felt comfortable managing whatever symptoms may arise. Happy to say he woke up this morning free of excruciating pain and suffering.
Today is day 1 of my new normal. My brother is leaving. The holidays are over. My husband is back to work, and it’s the first day of my new forever schedule.
My days will look drastically different now, as I’ll have to drive to 2 separate locations in 2 different towns every single day for my kids therapies, instead of all of being in one location…as it’s been for the past 6 years.
So, yeah. My days just got a ton more complicated. And I’m just not excited about it.
Thankfully, I have therapy Thursday morning (I think?) and that’s kind of what I’m clinging to right now because just holy moly do I have about a million critical thoughts going around in my brain and nowhere to put them.
I am glad that the holidays are officially over now and all I have to do is focus on…life without all the extras.
We certainly started this year off with a bang…and not a good one. Unfortunately, my sister will still be here for another week…but at least I can go back to hiding in my room instead of being out in the open in the living room like I am when my brother is here.
On a side note, I’ve officially decided that I’m absolutely a super hero or something because my entire family, literally everyone, parents siblings and kids are siiiiiick. Like, sick sick. have been for a few weeks now.
And I’m not. Like, a few of them have bronchitis, I’m pretty sure I have 2 kids with pneumonia, and I’m just like…completely and totally fine. Which is just so fantastic. Except, of course, for everyone else.
Now that we’ve resumed a level of normalcy, I absolutely have to get my drinking under control. I absolutely can’t keep going at this level to where I’m doubling or tripling my typical amount every day.
That has to be a priority right now. And I have to start being honest about it.