Well, my son graduated 1st grade yesterday. And while we’re all so very proud of him and how hard he’s working in school this year…..
Ooof. All 3 of my kid being home together for really any amount of time is enough to make everyone in the house quickly suicidal.
My 7 and 5 year old sons just are complete and absolutely chaos. And it’s not fun for anyone when they are together. They just can’t keep their hands off each other, they don’t know the definition of volume control, and I’m positive that they exist solely to piss the other one off. And me.
My oldest was home for exactly 2 hours yesterday before my parents told me that if I signed him up for camp, they’d pay for half of it. Honestly, money is the only reason I haven’t, and they know that. So their offer was helpful. For all of us. That won’t be until July, a little birthday gift for myself to have him out of the house the week of my (30th!!!) birthday.
The same child that overdosed on magnesium when he ate 28 multivitamins a few days ago woke me up at 4:00 this morning because he threw up. A lovely side effect of his body hating what he did to it. Sigh.
I’m just glad that it’s FINALLY Friday. This week has been impossibly long. And today promises to be the longest day of them all.
I’m trying my best to be okay. But a lot of things feel impossible right now. You know you’re fucked when payday comes and it’s spent on bills before you can even pay your credit cards down. Yay for having our 2 cars totaled weeks apart!!!
I wish I could better explain life. How just completely and utterly exhausted I am. How hopeless I feel.
I need a break in a big way.
Today’s hope is sanity. To maintain it. To not lose my shit. And to end the night in a not so tragic way.
Something in me tells me that today is going to be a 2 post day. I don’t know why. I just feel like I have something big in me to say that needs to come out. But it isn’t there yet.
The feeling is there. But the words haven’t come yet.
I really wish I had therapy twice a week right now. I know it probably won’t happen because it’s summertime and her schedule got crazy. Still…I don’t know. Everything feels so touch and go right now. And impermanent. It all feels impermanent.
Sanity. That’s what we’re after today.
And patience.