This morning did not have the start to it that I hoped it would.
My husband and I got in the same stupid fight that we do nearly every morning, and it’s just so unnecessary and avoidable. Is it a big deal? No. It really isn’t. But it pisses me off that we do this nearly every day over the stupidest shit.
Spoiler alert – the dumb shit we can’t agree with has to do with the kids breakfast every morning. A role and responsibility that’s been MINE every day for the past 5 years, but he’s recently taken over. And I do not like the change.
And since we’re both now overly sensitive about the topic, we both probably overreact to it. And it set my entire morning off to a bad start. It’s not even 8am yet, and I’m letting the most petty, dumb shit, affect me.
And honestly, it’s just stupid. We should both be at the point where we’re able to recover quickly from these small, basic disagreements. Yet still, I hold a grudge about it. And I’ll probably hold that grudge until I feel like he “makes it right” with me…whatever that means, whatever that feels like.
On Tuesday in therapy, we were going over a worksheet I filled out 6 months ago on self defeating behaviors. One of those headlines was “avoidance”. How I avoid hard things, change the subject, anything to get out of dealing with certain hard things within relationships.
We planned on my husband coming to therapy next Tuesday to work on this, and to address and communicate some of the things we’ve both been avoiding. I even joked with my therapist that “I bet you anything that the topic of breakfast will come up”.
And I keep getting pissed off at my husband because he knows what he’s doing is upsetting me, and he does it anyway. Then he gets mad at ME when I say something and bring it to him that I’m upset!!!
Like, I’m not allowed to voice the fact that I’m upset about the thing he does that upsets me nearly EVERY morning, because once I voice it, it’s somehow my fault? I become the problem? Because I “lay into him every morning”.
Umm…okay? So don’t fucking piss me off every morning with the thing you know will upset me, and then I won’t say anything to you???!!
Guys, it’s stupid. It really is. It really is just SO stupid.
But the fact that we’re NOT communicating about this, and the fact that it happens probably half of the days of the week…it’s infuriating.
I’m not blameless here. Not at all. I don’t like change, I don’t like giving up control, and I don’t like accepting help. ESPECIALLY when it comes to the kids. I don’t know how to delegate tasks and accept help.
But I feel like if we just freaking communicated effectively about this very specific topic, we wouldn’t run into this issue, and we could avoid this argument.
My therapist said I was rigid…and she’s certainly not wrong. I know I have flaws, and I know I’m not entirely blameless here.
My husband and I are fine, and I’m not actually mad at him, or feeling and type of long term negative way. I’m just frustrated, and I don’t like wasting my time on negative emotions that are just so unnecessary to begin with.
I’m glad he’s coming to therapy with me next week, because it genuinely does help us when he comes, and we address things.
But in the meantime…we really just need to be better at communicating about the little things.
And I NEED to be better at accepting help. Because I know that’s all it is. He’s trying to help, and he loves his kids.
I’m lucky to have him, and I know I need to be more grateful. I’m just feeling frustrated and overwhelmed today, and sometimes it doesn’t come across nicely.
He left for work now, and everything is fine and good with us. He left loving me, and that’s all I can ask for.
I guess it just boils down to better communication, and me being less “rigid”.
And I think both of those things are something we can easily work on. We just might need a little guidance to get there.