Sometimes, I really hate being a parent. Today is one of those days. I’m angry and frustrated and more exhausted than I can put into words.
We transitioned the 6 month old baby from his bassinet in my room to his crib in his room last night. I knew it would be a hard transition…but I didn’t think it would be quite as bad as it was. I put him to sleep at 6pm…and he slept until 6:40. Shit. I didn’t get him back to sleep until 10pm. It was awful. But I was still kind of expecting that to happen.
Then, he woke up at 3:15am, which is his typical wake up time in the middle of the night, so I was expecting that. Except that every time I got him back to sleep, he promptly would wake up the moment I set him down. This went on until about 5:20am. So I finally get him back to sleep.
And what happens next? My fucking 4 year old who is wildly unpredictable (he and his 6 year old brother are now sharing a room so the baby could have his own) wakes up and is just loud. Like, this child doesn’t have volume control. So when he “talks”, he just shouts. Then he loudly closed (slammed) the door when his brother went to use the bathroom, and the baby woke up.
At this point, I’m just enraged. I’ve now been up since 3am. I FINALLY get the baby back to sleep, only for him to be woken him up 30 minutes later.
This is just…it’s hard. Things are hard right now. No one is getting any sleep (well, I think my husband might be 🤪) and things are just really difficult.
The baby got about 6 hours of sleep last night, when he usually gets around 11-13 hours. My older boys simply just aren’t sleeping well since moving into the same room, and I have started my day at 3am more days than I can count these past few weeks.
My body can’t keep up with this strain. I need sleep. I need rest. Last night, I literally got 3 hours and 48 minutes of sleep. It’s just not okay.
My husband can only help so much and most of this falls onto me. I can’t be patient and loving and kind when I’m sleep deprived to this level. I just feel desperate right now. And it’s not like I can just sleep during the day, or sleep when the baby naps. Because I have to drop my son off at school. Then my other son has therapy. And appointments and then school pickup and it just doesn’t end. My days don’t end.
I probably sound like I’m whining right now, so I’m sorry about that. But I truly am just…so, so sleep deprived. And I don’t know how to fix anything.
I knew this transition would be difficult. That’s why I put it off for so long. But I didn’t think it would actually be the worst case scenario that I envisioned in my head.
At least it’s Friday. At least tomorrow, I’ll have help. Hopefully.
