I work very hard, sometimes I wonder if it’s too hard, at respecting other peoples boundaries in my relationships with them.
This is especially true in high stakes relationships, like with my birth sons parents…but is also true to my other relationships. My marriage, my friendships, in therapy…all of them.
I am really good at respecting other peoples boundaries. Even boundaries that they haven’t talked about, that I just assume exist.
But what I am not good at is respecting my own. Or voicing my own to other people. There are some boundaries that I absolutely have when it comes to my marriage, but what good are having boundaries if no one knows about that?
Last night my husband and I had a longggg talk about my boundaries, and how I feel like some of them have been crossed lately. I clearly stated what my boundaries are, asked him if he had any boundaries for himself that he’d like me to know about (he did not), and I made it clear that my boundaries are few and specific, and not to be crossed.
It was a good talk, and it needed to happen. I’ve been low key angry with him and resentful since he got back from taking care of his dad for nearly 3 weeks…and it’s just been hard. So, instead of me just continuing to be secretly mad at him and resenting him for something he may or may not have even been doing, I just decided to bring it up. In a very bold way.
It went well, and he heard what I had to say. I think it is good to restate your boundaries every so often in your relationships. Some of them are obvious, like, don’t cheat on me. Others may be less intuitive, but still equally important to you.
So, that’s my PSA for the day. Restate your boundaries. Make a sure that they’re being respected. And be mindful to respect the boundaries of other people in your life as well.