The night started rough. Not horrible, not even bad, but rocky. It went well and stayed stable until, you know, drink number 3ish took effect.
Then things started to get vulnerable, things started to get real, and I’m so glad they did. For once, really, it’s been happening more often than not, but tonight things went well.
It started small. Talking about an episode of a show that made me emotional and why it did. (Spoiler alert….it related back to our kids.) ((Double spoiler, the show was Heartland. Take your judgments out the door 😂. )
The conversation seemed open…he seemed engaged. So I brought up my birth son…and the fact that he will be on the news early this week and how I am so so so SO incredibly not okay with this. And terrified of what emotions it will elicit for me.
We are frequently…okay, nearly always not on the same page when it comes to emotion and especially vulnerability. But we got through that conversation and it was awkward and clumsy, but not bad.
Another drink (for me) and slightly more vulnerable conversations later, we’re now talking about our kids.
How I am trying SO incredibly…painfully hard…to be the best mom for our two very different children.
I ended up getting emotional and just upset about how I feel like I’m failing one of them. I’m trying so hard to do my best…to be the best mom I can be for him… and I often feel like I’m failing.
So we worked through that a bit. Wet cheeks (damn allergies!!!) and some vulnerability later, he understood me just a bit more. And we heard each other.
Here is where the magic of the night took place:
He thought he was about to say something very upsetting to me. So, before he said it, he literally (gently) grabbed my face, looked at me and told me he loved me.
Umm…okay? Sure…what’s up, bud?
He told me how he was very upset with something the other night, with something that I did that he HATES when other people do.
I was incredibly confused. He voiced what he was upset about, but I didn’t feel like I did that at all. What he said upset him is something I would be upset about too!
So I asked him to just give me a bit more detail about what he meant, about the context and the situation. He did, and I was able to recount the conversation and the events that were going on.
When I did that, he remembered it the same way that I reiterated it. He then realized that it was NOT the same way he heard it the other night, that it was NOT something upsetting or offensive at all.
He realized that last night, on a night of very open and vulnerable conversation where we are just truly here for each other, the very same words that came out of my mouth then vs. the previous night had a much different meaning.
That realization for him led to even more, better conversations. How when he is upset, he is going to hear whatever he’s going to hear regardless of if that’s what was actually said or not.
On a night like last night, where things went as well as they did when they just surely did not have to…I am grateful.
We are a couple who’s absolute biggest issues are communication. And tonight, he was awesome.
He voiced something that upset him. We worked through it and he realized that that was not AT ALL what I said or meant.
He voiced a concern. That in itself is HUGE for him! And it went so well.
I’m so proud of him…and us. Tonight was a stupid, small, but oh so significant win.
All of these nights put together are the ones that will help build back up our trust with one another.
Last night might seem small to a lot of people. But for me, for us…it felt huge. It feels important.