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A different kind of 6 days

I’m just here to say that while it usually takes me 5-6 days to go through a large bottle of 94 proof, very strong liquor…

It’s now been 6 days since I’ve had any drink of any kind.

You might get sick of me saying it, but shit. That’s a big deal for me. And it isn’t something I take lightly.

It’s been over 3 years since I’ve been able to go more than a 24 hours without a drink. At my worst? I wasn’t able to go more than 3 hours. That’s right, I was going into withdrawals after 3 hours without a drink.

That’s a rough life…and it’s not one that I want to go back to.

I’ve been…trying? Wanting? Half ass attempting? To get sober for a long time now. But I know I wasn’t going to…unless I had to. When my husband and I were first discussing trying to get pregnant, that was a huge part of our discussion. I knew I could do it, as I’d already done this exact thing 3 times previously.

I knew I wouldn’t get sober until I had to. And once I had to? There was no hesitation. I just did it. I’ve been sober for as long as I’ve known that I’m pregnant. As soon as those lines showed up at just over 3 weeks.

It’s been 6 days. The bottle is still full. Normally, it would only take 5 days for that same bottle to be dry.

But not today. Not this week.

I feel like shit, and still have a strong desire to drink. But I can’t.
And I won’t. I’m grateful to be in this place that I’m in right now.

Because as hard and painful and difficult as my life is right now… would probably be harder if I had my crutch of alcohol to lean on and abuse.

It’s a difficulty I’m grateful for….
Even if it fucking sucks right now.

Originally written a few weeks ago, in mid February
I currently have 19 days under my belt.

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