I’m just here to say that while it usually takes me 5-6 days to go through a large bottle of 94 proof, very strong liquor…
It’s now been 6 days since I’ve had any drink of any kind.
You might get sick of me saying it, but shit. That’s a big deal for me. And it isn’t something I take lightly.
It’s been over 3 years since I’ve been able to go more than a 24 hours without a drink. At my worst? I wasn’t able to go more than 3 hours. That’s right, I was going into withdrawals after 3 hours without a drink.
That’s a rough life…and it’s not one that I want to go back to.
I’ve been…trying? Wanting? Half ass attempting? To get sober for a long time now. But I know I wasn’t going to…unless I had to. When my husband and I were first discussing trying to get pregnant, that was a huge part of our discussion. I knew I could do it, as I’d already done this exact thing 3 times previously.
I knew I wouldn’t get sober until I had to. And once I had to? There was no hesitation. I just did it. I’ve been sober for as long as I’ve known that I’m pregnant. As soon as those lines showed up at just over 3 weeks.
It’s been 6 days. The bottle is still full. Normally, it would only take 5 days for that same bottle to be dry.
But not today. Not this week.
I feel like shit, and still have a strong desire to drink. But I can’t.
And I won’t. I’m grateful to be in this place that I’m in right now.
Because as hard and painful and difficult as my life is right now…..it would probably be harder if I had my crutch of alcohol to lean on and abuse.
It’s a difficulty I’m grateful for….
Even if it fucking sucks right now.
Originally written a few weeks ago, in mid February
I currently have 19 days under my belt.