There are things I can’t talk about.
Topics that hurt too much…things that are too hurtful, too painful…too personal.
Topics that, if I were to write a blog post about it, would be titled “ sexual aggression”.
There are things I’ve wanted to talk about in therapy that I just…haven’t been able to.
Things that require a very certain amount of drunkness to even be able to broach.
Something happened to me recently that falls under the very definition of rape. But this isn’t something that I can easily talk about…especially considering I have such a significant history of rape and sexual assault. But this…I just can’t figure out the words for it.
I am hurt.
The logical me knows that I have been clearly violated.
But the other parts of me…the anxious parts, the scared parts, the hurt parts….they just want to shut it down.
This is something that I know I need to talk about, especially because it’s been on my mind so much lately. But I just can’t.
I don’t like being hurt, but I know this person wasn’t trying to hurt me. I think it was just a bad decision that hopefully this person knows was a wrong decision.
Still, despite the fact I know this person would never intentionally hurt me, I feel hurt. And for that reason alone, I probably need to find the strength to talk about it.
I just don’t know how to start.