Well…shit. I’m not even sure if I have the words tonight.
To put it simply….no, I guess I can’t even do that. It isn’t simple. Nothing is simple.
If today has proved anything to me, it’s that quite literally, nothing is simple.
My husband quit his job today.
Everything feels up in the air and uncertain and scary. And I simply do not thrive in a place of uncertainty and instability.
I’m closer to bad decisions tonight than I have been in…a good second anyway.
I just…I want to drink until the world stops turning.
Except for that I don’t.
Maybe I just want a hug.
Maybe I just want a pat on the head.
I just need to know that it’s going to be okay.
That something, anything, is going to be okay.
Because all I want to do right now, in this moment, is give up.
It’s all starting to feel just a little bit too hard.
I want to be reckless and impulsive and…whatever else.
If my husband gets to be, why can’t I?
If he can make big life changes, why can’t I?
I feel so alone and scared and….
I’m afraid of the decisions I’ll make in the face of insecurity and uncertainty.
Fucking terrified.
Let me be clear.
I am freaking out.