My head isn’t a fun place to be in this morning. It’s dark, it’s scary, it’s fragile…
Last night my husband and I had therapy together with both of of therapists. So, it was all 4 of us together. We’ve been talking about doing this for a while, and I’m glad it happened. It was productive and felt like a lot of positive change can come from it.
He was definitely in his own head when we got home, despite it going well, and I fed off of that energy in…not the best way. I’m just not feeling great. I am not feeling strong or…I’m not even sure what it is. I just know that I don’t feel good. In my heart or my head. And I’m not proud of how much I’m drinking to compensate for my lack of emotion strength.
Being down to one car has been hard for me. I’m driving everyone everywhere, and we all have to be 3 different places at the same time. Which means that I’m late for my appointments and where I need to be.
I HATE being late. To me, it’s the most unacceptable thing in the world. Our therapists are extremely accommodating and understanding, but it feels just horrible. Like, the feeling it gives me is bad.
I freaked out this morning because I was 6 minutes late to PT with Atlas, and it just really dysregulated me.
I yelled at my husband and blamed him for it, because we were 7 minutes late getting out the door to leave. Then I had anxiety and couldn’t calm down and just…
Yeah.
As for my news that I promised to share today? Well, here it is!
Sometimes…in life, you try to fill an unfillable void.
That’s me. That seems to be me this time of year every year. Trying to fill a void with something. I don’t know what or why, and I don’t fully understand it… but it’s a real thing.
Anyway, that’s all to say, my husband and I are now the proud parents to 6 new babies. Kids, to be precise.
We went out and got 6 baby goats on Sunday. They range in age from 3 days old to 3 weeks old. We’re bottle feeding all of them. 4-6 times a day. It’s been insane. I have been nonstop going for days now, with no end in sight…..and yet it seems to be exactly what I need. Sort of.
Okay. It’s a bandaid. I don’t know the real fix, but my heart needed this. It needed them.
I need to take care of something, I need to be needed and feel loved, I need to give. Apparently I need to give more of myself than I have to give.
I will share pictures and the full story of how they came to be, but my head is just so scattered right now.
My life right now, and for the next few weeks, is filling bottles, feeding babies, washing bottles, then filling them again to get ready for next time. It’s insane. I’m insane.
But they’re literally puppies. It’s like I just got 6 new puppies. The kids love them and are all excited to help out and take care of them, so that’s been great too.
