On Monday afternoon, I said goodbye to my therapist of 10 years. That was fucking brutal. Last night, I met a new therapist for the first time and tried to see if it would be a good fit. This morning, at 9am, I have to drive Casey, my 17 year old dog, to the vet […]
Goodbye, hello, goodbye, hello. Read More »
Well, we’re here. The day I’ve been dreading for, really I guess about 10 years now. Later this morning, I am going to see my therapist for the last time. I reached out last week and asked if I could come in today (I was “allowed” 2 more appointments). ——— Honestly, as I started writing
Depression sucks. That’s the phrase circling my brain pretty aggressively right now. This depression is loud as fuck, and it feels pretty heavy and here to stay. The past 3 days have been filled with a lot of hurt. A lot of pushing people away. A lot of anger and fear and…depression. A lot of
When the depression gets too loud Read More »
Well, it happened. Last night was the epic and ultimate crash and burn that I usually anticipate happening after a retreat. We lovingly call them “retreat hangovers” because that’s basically what it is. Yesterday in it of itself was triggering. I finally bit the bullet and, with the help of some of my friends, emailed
Keep going, keep going, keep going. Read More »
Buckle up friends, things are about to get even more spicy around here. If you’ve been hanging around here for any length of time, you know that there are a small number of things that have a pretty significant impact on my mental health. The first and most important factor being the strength of my
What, you thought it couldn’t get any spicier? Read More »
Yesterday felt…pretty much exactly like I expected it to feel. Just…pretty gross and pretty lonely. I’m struggling, but in ways that feel unexpected. I’m honestly struggling just to like, do the normal human being things. Like folding laundry. Or shaving my legs. Or eating a meal. And don’t even get me started on trying to
Sunday vibes hit so much harder now. I used to have a reason to look forward to the end of a Sunday. Sure, it meant the end of the weekend, but it led to a Monday. And Mondays used to hold hope for me. Mondays meant therapy, meant hope, meant support, meant a safe space
I’m still struggling to find my footing in this new reality I find myself in. Ya know, the one where I lost arguably my biggest and most consistent support system out of literally nowhere and completely all of a sudden. It’s been really challenging thinking about the next. The forward. I very much feel stuck
It isn’t perfect, but it’s something Read More »
I have a very different relationship with this Monday that I typically do with Monday’s. Usually, Monday is one of my preferred days of the week. But today, I freaking hate it. I guess I just don’t have therapy. Which…sucks. A lot. There was nothing scheduled, no reminder text, nothing. I don’t know if I’m
Just like that, all the “anger” fell way to massive self loathing and a pretty horrific depression. The dam broke, and all of the tape and glue holding me together for the past week just… came undone. And I realized that everything I’ve always thought about myself is exactly as true as I thought it
True emotions show eventually Read More »
