I am in dire need of an immediate self care day. It’s been way too long since I’ve had anything that’s resembled self care, and I’m claiming today as my own.
Now, I say this fully acknowledging that it probably won’t actually happen. But, still. I’m putting it out there, and I’m going to try to make it happen.
Today is a cool shower (my preferred temperature), a hot meal, and a take a nap whenever my body decides it’s too tired to stay awake kind of day.
Today is for reading my book. Crocheting my most recent project and hoping to finish it before tomorrow.
It’s for not getting yelled at by anyone (my shithead parents ((yes I’m 29 and this is still an issue, things have been rough lately))) for not being good enough…..
It’s a put your middle fingers up to the air kind of day, saying fuck you to all the outside influences, and just existing.
On my terms.
Hey, universe? You don’t require anything of me today. Okay? Good. Glad we’re on the same page.
Part of the reason self care is so hard for me is because I don’t really always know what that looks like.
Is it allowing myself to do completely absolutely nothing but laying in my bed with chocolate and YouTube and blankets?
Is it getting the things done that *I* want to get done? Or is it pushing myself to do things that I don’t want to do…like decluttering that one thing that’s been bothering me for months now that I don’t have the motivation to do?
As I’ve said before, self care looks different for everyone. And for me, part of the battle is figuring out what I need.
What I need to recharge, to feel better….to get one step closer to the version of me that isn’t quite so…wanting to die.
My goats make me happy. However, getting hot and sweaty to the point of passing out does not.
But these pictures are too cute not to share, and they are very much part of self care for me. Taking care of them, loving them. And them loving me back. All 9 of them. And every bruise they leave behind. Sometimes, my husband captures a moment of genuine…okayness. Those are the moments to appreciate.
Today is mine.
And I have no idea what that looks like.
They kids are at the park right now, although Phoenix can’t really play or run around at all, so I’m not quite sure how that’s going to go.
I don’t necessarily have anything on hand that excites me food or entertainment wise…but that’s fine.
A quiet mind is what I’m after today. I need the stillness and peace that comes with a muted brain.
No chores. No getting sweaty and dirty and passing out. And not feeling guilty about it. My husband can handle the kids. And the goats. And the chickens…..and the ducks.
Is my life a farm? Sure is. Literally and metaphorically.
But today is mine.
And I’m going to start it off with some spicy ramen. And maybe a sandwich.
Life has been every flavor of bad, and these nights are fucking BRUTAL.
Today, I’m allowing the peace to win.
And I won’t feel guilty about it.
(She says, as she already feels anxious about attempting to feel better…)