On April 4th, 2023, my birth son turned 10 years old. An obviously important and huge milestone. For both him and for me.
Also on this day, a baby goat was born, who we would pick up and take home with us 2 days later.
My birth son and this goat, who I intentionally got because of his birthday, shared something very special. An April 4th birthday.
In a bold and scary move by me, I texted my birth sons parents and explained that this baby goat was born on his birthday, and I asked if they’d show my son some pictures I sent, and asked if he would name the goat.
My birth son absolutely loved it. He loved that I asked, he loved the goat…and he named him Brownie.
So, Brownie it is.
He quickly because our favorite, for obvious reasons. He was the emotional connection to my birth son, and I couldn’t believe he actually named him. It really made him so special to us.
Not only that, but he was absolutely beautiful. The most gorgeous colors, pattern, and blue eyes. Just absolutely perfect.
Fast forward to now. A year later. Another birthday coming up. For both of them.
This year, since my birth son got to name him, I wanted to send him a gift that included Brownie in it. So I made a pair of socks with a few pictures of his face on it. I can’t wait to send these as a part of his gift, and I hope he loves it and feels included and thought of when he sees them. (And yes, I did get him other things.)
This week sucks. Every single bit of it. It’s full of grief. It’s fucked up. It hurts. And I’m so, so very angry. I want to scream. And drink. And cry.
It’s a lot of grief.
But my son will get socks with his goats face on them as part of his gift for his birthday on Friday. And I’m honestly really proud of them, and the idea to make them. Admittedly, it was my therapists idea a few weeks ago, she mentioned something about socks. But I absolutely loved it and thought it was perfect. So I ran with it. And I’m so glad I did.
This week has been absolutely awful. For reasons I can’t explain. And for reasons that are also abundantly obvious.
I hate this week. And I don’t know how to get through it.
Honestly, I’m just taking it one moment at a time. And giving myself grace and patience to get through it. Hopefully that’s enough.