I’m in a phase of life where things are just…really freaking hard. It’s a lot of stress and frustrations and things I simply cannot control. No matter how much I try, or I might want to. Mother’s Day yesterday was rough, but…it was fine. I was sick with a cold, we spent just about all […]
Can’t change what I can’t change Read More »
It’s been another week full of business and chaos and complicated feelings. So…basically a completely normal week for me. 🤦🏻♀️ Tomorrow is Mother’s Day, which, if you know me, you’ll know I have some pretty complicated feelings about. In the adoption community the day before Mother’s Day is known as Birth Mother’s Day. And that
Complicated feelings Read More »
Today was awful. For every single reason. My heart does t have it in me to go into any kind of detail. But… Tornados. Flash floods. Horrible anxiety provoking weather…that continues to tomorrow late afternoon. And that was honestly just the welcomed distraction. My birth son turned 11 years old today. It was an awful
I hate today because of what tomorrow is. It already feels so heavy, the tidal wave of grief is already starting to flood in. Tomorrow is my birth son’s 11th birthday. A day that consumes me with grief and depression every single year. I don’t have a plan for tomorrow, I don’t know how I’m
The grief always comes Read More »
On April 4th, 2023, my birth son turned 10 years old. An obviously important and huge milestone. For both him and for me. Also on this day, a baby goat was born, who we would pick up and take home with us 2 days later. My birth son and this goat, who I intentionally got
It has been a journey. A long, and at times impossible one. But I’m here. I’m feeling better physically, but as far as my mental health as it pertains to literal brain chemistry? Yeah. I’m still on the struggle bus. Alcohol was the dopamine that fueled my body. I do not have an ounce of
The best I can do for now. Read More »
My depression right now currently does not care about me. Not about what I need, not about what I want, and not about how I feel. It doesn’t care if I isolate myself to the point of not existing anymore. It doesn’t care if the pain inside of my head and my hurt make me
Depression doesn’t care Read More »
The past 6 days have honestly been the most wild whirlwind of events and roller coasters that I’ve experienced in quite some time. Okay, here’s the deal. It’s March. Which means, it’s birthday month. Technically, yes. My birth son’s birthday is in April…April 4th. But the entire lead up to it is in March, which
Ready to fight, almost ready to hope. Read More »
Why? Why struggle when the outcome I so desperately want seems so far fetched, so far away? Why fight when the fight seems so freaking impossible to win? What are we doing here? Seriously, what are we doing here?! Let’s talk about it. Yes. We’re fighting. We’re fighting like hell. We want to win. We
Let’s talk about it Read More »
While nightmares have always been a hugely unfortunate part of my sleeping journey, sometimes they are worse and more frequent than others. Lately, the nightmares have been consuming a large part of my mental space. And last night, they were worse than ever. In a good dreamed turned awful, my birth son was there. He
The nightmares of trauma Read More »
