Okay. Let’s take a second to keep it real. Things have been rough lately. Really, really rough. My birth sons birthday, then Mother’s Day (one hell of a trigger, regardless of the fact that I parent 3 other children), a lot of challenging medical things with my kids (and myself), and a lot of loss. […]
It’s been another week full of business and chaos and complicated feelings. So…basically a completely normal week for me. 🤦🏻♀️ Tomorrow is Mother’s Day, which, if you know me, you’ll know I have some pretty complicated feelings about. In the adoption community the day before Mother’s Day is known as Birth Mother’s Day. And that
Complicated feelings Read More »
Today was awful. For every single reason. My heart does t have it in me to go into any kind of detail. But… Tornados. Flash floods. Horrible anxiety provoking weather…that continues to tomorrow late afternoon. And that was honestly just the welcomed distraction. My birth son turned 11 years old today. It was an awful
I hate today because of what tomorrow is. It already feels so heavy, the tidal wave of grief is already starting to flood in. Tomorrow is my birth son’s 11th birthday. A day that consumes me with grief and depression every single year. I don’t have a plan for tomorrow, I don’t know how I’m
The grief always comes Read More »
On April 4th, 2023, my birth son turned 10 years old. An obviously important and huge milestone. For both him and for me. Also on this day, a baby goat was born, who we would pick up and take home with us 2 days later. My birth son and this goat, who I intentionally got
This is a hard season, I’m not going to lie. My mind has been messy for a minute now, the trauma of the past year, and really all of it in general, is catching up to me. I’ve been holding on, fighting a winless fight for a long time now. This time of year isn’t
Losing battles, winning wars Read More »
I can’t help but feeling and thinking about just how vastly different things are now than how they were even just 5-6 months ago. Last night, I had therapy. Not with my therapist who I’ve had for literally the past 10 years straight of my life…but with someone extremely new, when you’re measuring it to
Trusting the process Read More »
One year later, and absolutely nothing is the same. February 13th, 2024. Just 4 days after our family returned home from our trip to the NIH. Our lives would truly be changed forever. It was a Tuesday morning. I dropped the my oldest son off at school, a first grader just beginning his school career.
One year later, and a whole lot more broken. Read More »
Why? Why struggle when the outcome I so desperately want seems so far fetched, so far away? Why fight when the fight seems so freaking impossible to win? What are we doing here? Seriously, what are we doing here?! Let’s talk about it. Yes. We’re fighting. We’re fighting like hell. We want to win. We
Let’s talk about it Read More »
Tonight has been one trigger after another, after another. It doesn’t matter what the fuck the cause was. Or the result, or the aftermath. Or even the aftermath of the aftermath. Because it was all wrong. And it was all fucked up. Be it the events of the week (my appointment with my neuromuscular doc
