The theme of this week, this year even, it seems…is difficult conversations.
Things that have never needed to be said, yet need saying anyway.
This has been a week of confrontation, but not in a bad way.
Difficult conversations, gentle confrontation, a resist to the natural reaction of me running away…
It’s all hard. It feels absolutely unbearable in the moment. It’s painful and triggering and harsh…all the while I’m trying to downplay and diminish.
But just because it’s hard, that doesn’t mean it’s bad.
Growth comes from discomfort. From difficulty, from sitting through the uncomfortable moments.
This isn’t something I can talk about. I can barely even write about it. And my opinion hasn’t changed. The level of difficulty regarding this topic, this conversation…it’s static. My answers are unchanged.
This isn’t something I want to talk about. With anyone. And yes, that’s very likely my flaw…and I need to be better about that.
But, again…just because it’s difficult doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Just because I’m uncomfortable, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t.
Difficult and wrong are not synonyms.
Just because I suck at therapy, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t go.
Just because things are scary and difficult, doesn’t mean they should be ignored.
Just because something is wrong, and you blame yourself….that doesn’t make it right, or okay.
Just because you want to run, doesn’t mean you should.
Sitting in the discomfort has never been something that I’m good at. But it is sometimes necessary.
But I just don’t always see the point. I don’t know what good can come from talking about things that seem impossible to get through.
Maybe that’s the point, though. Talking about the hard things, sitting in the discomfort for a little while…maybe there’s something to it.
I just wish I knew how to do that. Vulnerability is…it isn’t a skill I’ve mastered. Not even close.