My lovely brain is such a beautiful mess.
A creative, captivating space, craving to be engaged, longing for meaning, connection…substance.
Substance in the form of something meaningful. Something that means something. More than the surface level interaction.
A way to connect. A way to engage.
Connect my messy but uniquely beautiful brain waves to yours.
Can we connect through music? Words? Art? Crochet? Yarn? Paper? Shared experiences? Trauma? Memories together? Memories yet to be formed? Hope?
Connection is my everything.
But finding it? That’s the challenge.
When my brain gets messy, less organized, more complicated, filled with trauma or triggers or pain….those seemingly simple ways of connection get a bit more complicated. The pathways less direct.
What was once a one way path to connection now has forks and twists and turns and detours and reroutes. And it isn’t quite so simple anymore.
What I crave is connection. And so that is my biggest gift to you, what I aim to offer you so freely. Despite my hurt and pain and struggle. It’s what I crave the most. And so it’s what I know how to offer up so freely.
My path is my own, and I won’t burden you with my shit. So please don’t use my own demons against me. They have nothing to do with you. With me. With us.
But it’s my beast. And I don’t expect you to fight it for me.
They are mine and mine to face alone.
I understand the nature of my beast.
It’s a unique one. A powerful one. And frankly, sometimes it’s an all encompassing one.
But I still need the connection. Even more so when the beast is as big as it gets.
Yes, it’s harder to navigate. Harder to find. A bit more tangled and intertwined…a sometimes impossible web to unweave.
But I’m still me underneath it all. Don’t let the messiness fool you.
When I’m hurting, broken, a bit more messy and a bit less whole…I’m about as me as I can get.
I understand myself. I know my pain, where it comes from. And I can honor those parts.
What I crave is connection.
So don’t assume I cannot give it, or cannot offer it.
I assure you, even in my brokenness, my power is to show up. My strength is with finding that connection.
Yes, the path might be less direct.
But it’s my oath to take.
Don’t assume less of me. I promise, I’m the strongest bitch you’ll ever meet. And my brokenness does not equate to a lack of strength.
I need my people more than they’ll ever fully understand.
Will I admit that? No, never. Will they see these hopelessly broken sides of me? I sure hope not.
My blog is my safe space. It’s my most honest form of existence. My most vulnerability side out into words in a way that I’d never be able to understand it otherwise.
But don’t take my vulnerability for weakness.
Don’t take my vulnerability for weakness.
I’ve been through more than most people can ever conceivably understand. And they should be grateful for that.
What I want is connection, yes. But you’re wrong if you think that means I need *you*.
Not if the you that exists is going to place me in a box and keep me there.
My greatest strength is knowing myself. And I hope you can see me in that same light.
I’m broken, but I’m strong.
I’m messy, but I’m logical and straightforward.
And we all know I’m a big fucking pouring wound of trauma. But I’m about as put together of a person as you’ll ever meet.
So don’t put me in a box. Know me. And not what you perceive me to be.
Connect with me. And nothing less than the true and honest, what I’m presenting you with, me.