Something Worth Fighting For: Life Goes On

Aaaaand….right back to reality

Just like that, we’re back to our regularly scheduled programming.

It doesn’t take long to get right back into the swing of things back at home, does it?

Yesterday was my first full day back at home in 2 weeks. It was a typical Monday.

Wake up. Take the 6 year old to school. Come back home. Deal with 4 year old and baby. Survive. Pick up 6 year old from school. Take all 3 of them to PT/OT/Speech. Go home. Get them dinner, put them to bed. Leave for my own therapy.

I’m really glad I had therapy last night, on the first day I was back at home. I really haven’t had any time to sit and process anything yet. Not the Florida trip, and not the NY trip.

I have to say. Going to therapy and actually sitting down to process…specifically to think and talk about the Florida trip and everything that happened, everything I felt…it was really hard. Talking about NY and visiting my best friend…there was absolutely nothing hard about that. It was just all good memories and fun stories and cute pictures. There was nothing hard or difficult or traumatic about visiting my best friend and her son.

But I did struggle to talk about the whole adoption aspect of the Disney trip. The fact that I was the only person there, out of the 14 of us, that didn’t have any kind of relationship with my birth son. The only person who didn’t have an open adoption, or at least in reunion….it hurt on a pretty deep level. And it honestly isn’t something I think I’ll get over any time soon.

It was really nice to just…go and be able to have those 2 hours last night. To just be able to decompress and talk and work through some of it…it was good.

Despite the hardness that just is talking about the adoption stuff…therapy did go really well.

She said it was the best I’ve seemed in a really long time. And I kind of agree. It’s the best I’ve felt in a really long time, too. I also did bring Starbucks with me, so that absolutely helped. Starbucks is my happy place, and especially when I’ve been getting 4 hours of sleep at night and am not completely exhausted? Yeah. It was so good.

It was a good night. I’m glad to be back and settled now…as in I’m happy I don’t have any more mass transportation rides anytime soon.

But we’re back to reality now. And as honestly refreshed as I do kind of feel? I know it isn’t lasting.

My 6 year old is super sick (he has a cold, but his lungs are trash and his little body always gets way sicker than it should for just a tiny cold). The baby hasn’t gained any weight, despite all of our best efforts…and he still can’t swallow for shit.

BUT he is officially 11 months old as of yesterday…and holy shit I don’t even think that’s hit me yet. Oh my god it’s my last month with him as an infant. Yeah…I’m not ready for that.

I look awful but he’s so damn cute, I don’t even care

There’s a lot of scary coming up. But I feel like I can handle it. At least for now.

I’m exhausted, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to catch up on sleep…but hey. When you’re with your best friend…ALL you want to do is stay up until 3am talking. And I have no regrets.

Right now, the baby is in the pack and play (not screaming!). Phoenix is playing with lego. And they’re both quietly and happily playing, while I’m writing this post.

That never happens. Maybe today can be a good day. For now, at least. I am honestly assuming that I’ll have to go pick up my 6 year old from school, but that’s okay.

We’re finally home, and for today….that feels okay.

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