Despite my pleads with Sunday to please hang around an extra day….here we are. At the beginning of another Monday.
This Monday in particular is one I’ve been dreading for quite some time now.
Therapy has gone rather horribly the past few weeks. And while I’m sure there’s more than one contributing factor…the biggest one by far is the fact that she’s moving. This is her last week in her office that she moved into around 6 years ago. And I’ve been going there every week, sometimes twice a week, for every one of those years.
I wrote about this a few times now, so I won’t sit here repeating myself. But it feels like a loss.
I don’t know how tonight will go, but I don’t imagine it will go particularly well.
It took every ounce of strength I had to not completely fall apart last week. I just…I have a lot of feelings about this particular event. It really does feel like I’m losing something that I’ll never be able to replace.
I really don’t ever find a place I’ll feel safe in again. Not like that.
Again, I’m sure tonight be fucking awful. She hasn’t exactly been taking it easy on me lately or giving me just tons of security or reassurance. Which I understand literally is not her job, but it is what I need.
Tonight will suck. I’ll have to say goodbye to literally the only place I’ve ever known to be safe. Tomorrow will be hard as I’ll have to pick up the pieces. Next Monday will be hard as I attempt to start all over.
It will be hard. And it will be foreign. And uncertain. All of it will be.
But one day it won’t be. One day it will suddenly just be the new normal.
I hope it doesn’t take very long to get to that day.
Because right now?
It just really sucks.