I feel so…split right now. Like I’m standing at a fork in the road, and I truly don’t know which way to go. So I’m going nowhere. And I’m stuck.
Just…standing there. Waiting for the choice to become obvious. And once it’s obvious, like…OBVIOUSLY obvious…only then can I move.
I know the path I want. But that’s the harder one. The scarier one. Quite frankly, it’s terrifying.
The other path is…just another day. A day, a month, a fucking lifetime of what I’m already living, what I’ve lived.
Horrible and safe VS. scary, new, terrifying….but possibly…better. Probably better.
The choice is so easy and yet so fucking impossible all at once. It’s the difference between knowing what you want, and understanding your strengths and abilities.
I know what I want. I know which way I want to go. The only question is if I trust myself enough to get there without stumbling, because there will be stumbling, enough to kill me.
Do you stumble off a fucking cliff? Or when you do, because it is a when and not an if…do you catch yourself, does someone catch you and help you back up…can you keep on going?
I know myself very well at this point in my life. I’m extremely self aware, I know who I am…my strengths, my weaknesses, my flaws….and it is for that reason that I am afraid to try.
I’m scared of scared of happens when I fail and I fuck it all up. And that’s IF we even make it that far.
I feel defeated before we even had a chance to take a step forward or choose a path.
