Yesterday, I texted my birth sons parents asking where I should send his birthday presents, as I always do. (They have 2 locations they spend time and I wasn’t sure if it would be his spring break or not, which would mean they’d be at the secondary location). I’m just going to post a picture …
Well, I had a certain kind of emotional reaction to whatever it was that happened in therapy last night. And driving home was… Well, it was the kind of drive home where I absolutely blasted music, tried to drown out the suicidal thoughts, and halfway contemplated not going home. Therapy was fine. It wasn’t bad. …
(First of all, before we get started here, I am NOT a fan of Jetpack. I reject the idea of forced change to begin with, and the Jetpack interface is annoying me right now. I’m sure I’ll get used to it, but right now it bugs me. Thoughts on that from anyone else?) This weekend …
Yesterday was another day where we had to drive over 4 hours total to go to our kids specialists doctor appointment. It was not a fun day. Both my 6 and 4 year old saw a their pulmonary doctor, and he was in with us for a long time. Like, in the room with us …
Well, I think I’ve waited as long as I could, and I need to send the text again. We’re 13 days away fro my birth sons 9th birthday. And between the time it takes to shop for things, have it get here, wrap it, and ship it back to him…yeah. Time is running out. I …
If I had to pick a one liner for how therapy went last night, it’s that we will not have another breakdown this year regarding my birth son. So, I guess that’s just the plan. Stay strong, don’t break down, and keep on moving. Or…some shit like that. Not, like…exactly sure how that works? But …
Today is the last day of spring break here. And let me tell you, it has been a long week. My 6 year old will go back to school tomorrow, leaving me home with just my 4 year old and 5 month old. (Yes, he’s 5 months as of yesterday 😭). I will be glad …
Suddenly, the world feels a million pounds heavier. Everything is building up, nothing can get done. Things are getting harder and harder and harder. Thoughts are becoming darker and darker and darker. Things are going on that I don’t know how to get into. Like, despite the fact that I asked, I reached out, I …
I feel so lost. So broken, so alone. I want to reach out, but I don’t know how, or to who, or what to say. Grief is the most underestimated feeling on the planet. It fucking shows up and destroys you, no matter what you do to mute it’s effect. I ignored it. I pretended …
I have been struggling a lot these past few days. Laundry? That’s a hard nope. Drinking more alcohol, having darker thoughts, thinking about dying and self harm, even when I’m sober… Everything is hard. I don’t want to do anything. Like, at all. Letting the kids watch tv so they are quiet and not screaming …