Month: May 2022

Irony

I didn’t get better fast enough, and now I’m feeling alarmingly worse. I wasn’t vulnerable enough, couldn’t feel secure fast enough. And now I don’t know if it will ever be possible to feel those things. Some things got better, but it wasn’t better enough. I was struggling, barely holding on. And it feels like …

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It just hurts too much.

I’m tired. I’m too tired to keep doing this. I don’t have anything better than that to say today. Depression is kicking my ass, the pain is winning, and I feel broken and alone. I keep wondering what the point is, and I just don’t think there is one anymore. I’m not okay. I haven’t …

It just hurts too much. Read More »

I don’t want to do what’s hard, I want to do what feels good.

That’s the phrase going around in my head right now. Like a child throwing a tantrum. I don’t want to do what’s right, what’s hard…what’s “good”. I want to do what feels good. What feels good right now. Not next week, not next month, I want to feel good right now. I want what’s easy, …

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When your fears remind you of your childrens strength

Right now, I am sitting in the heart hospital for an echo and a few other tests. As I was walking in, I felt nervous and uneasy. And kind of afraid. My 2 children and I have a severe genetic disorder, and one of the things it causes is cardiomyopathy. We are all at very …

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