This morning, I had an appointment with my genetic counselor. Later this afternoon, I will have my 19 week anatomy scan, and a few days later, I will see my maternal fetal medicine doctor to further discuss my high risk pregnancy. Then tonight, I have therapy. If that sounds like a lot, that’s because it …
Something I’ve been struggling a lot with lately is figuring out who I really am. Aside from a mom and a wife and all the roles that go along with that…who am I? What makes me happy? What makes me feel fulfilled, or unique, or like an individual? I honestly do not have the answer …
As a stay at home mom to two (soon to be 3) boys with higher and complicated medical needs, it’s pretty safe to say that more often than not, I am completely burnt out. I’m lucky enough to have a husband who I know loves and supports me through anything that I need. On weekends, …
While not the intention, that was the result. When my husband and I decided to try for our 3rd (my 4th) baby, we knew things would have to change. I’d have to be sober. Totally and completely. From day 1. Something that I haven’t been in over 3 years, and even then, only ever interrupted …
Another shocking revelation, courtesy of therapy, is that I’m not responsible for your feelings. And, no, you aren’t responsible for mine either. This is a concept that honestly, I don’t fucking understand. Hear me out. If you kill my dog, I will be very sad and very hurt. You did this. You killed my dog. …
Turns out, I’m not responsible for your feelings. Read More »
Well, we wasted no time getting into it in therapy last night, but I’d argue to say that it didn’t go poorly. She said some things that I was ready and able to hear, and whenever that happens and we’re able to have difficult yet honest conversations, it always feels better. I think we’re finally …
If there’s one thing I try to do, it’s keep it real here. How I feel is relatable. I know I’m not the only person that goes through things like this, and I’m not the only person that feels like this. It’s always helped me to feel less alone….less isolated. I try to be as …
I didn’t get better fast enough, and now I’m feeling alarmingly worse. I wasn’t vulnerable enough, couldn’t feel secure fast enough. And now I don’t know if it will ever be possible to feel those things. Some things got better, but it wasn’t better enough. I was struggling, barely holding on. And it feels like …
I’m tired. I’m too tired to keep doing this. I don’t have anything better than that to say today. Depression is kicking my ass, the pain is winning, and I feel broken and alone. I keep wondering what the point is, and I just don’t think there is one anymore. I’m not okay. I haven’t …
When the nights get especially dark, it’s one of my last, and most desperate, survival instincts to reach out. My friends know that if they hear from me later at night, I’m usually very not okay. I had the kind of bad night that often ends with people not seeing the morning. I’m trying to …