Last night, therapy went really well. First of all, it was beautiful and rainy and freezing…so, just my kind of weather. (Although my therapist would disagree about the near freezing temperature being perfect.) But aside from that, it was really productive and it felt good. I met my goal for the week of measuring drinks, …
Do you ever spend your nights getting blackout drunk while simultaneously googling things like “recovery coaches” or “AA meetings in your area”? No? Just me? Okay, well shit. Maybe that means that I’m making progress. Or maybe it means that I’m regressing. Honestly, who the fuck knows. Here’s a little behind the scenes info for …
If you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, you can find out firsthand what it’s like to be me… I’m not so okay. But I’m hanging on. I’m questioning life and what it means, and if I really even belong here anymore. It’s been a rough day after a rough week. …
Maybe this is an excuse, maybe it’s not…but sometimes, my drinking feels only as bad as the mentality behind it. Regardless of the numbers, of the ounces, of the amount of times I fill up the glass…what feels more concerning is the mentality behind it. Am I drinking because I’m sad? Because I’m anxious? Because …
I often struggle to find the words to have open and honest conversations. I’m really good at helping people, I’m really good at offering advice, at being there for others…but when it comes to myself, I just don’t know how to offer the same vulnerability. Lately I’ve been really trying to have more honest and …
Therapy last night felt like a win. And I don’t know if you’ll ever appreciate how much that truly means to me. I pretty much live or die by the strength of my relationships. My marriage, my friendships, my relationship with my therapist…when things are stable, I feel good. When they’re not…holy shit do things …
Okay. Here we go. Something happened, and I don’t know how to talk about it. But before we go any further, if you’re here reading this and asking yourself “is she talking about the thing that happened with that person last year?” The answer is no, that is not what I’m talking about here. Honestly, …
My mental health is currently….well, it’s concerningly bad. Lately, it seems that the majority of my nights are spent thinking of, wishing of death. Life has become too hard, too consuming. I no longer see an option of peace within my days, so I’m looking for calmness in other options. I don’t see death as …
I have been spending the last few months, if not the last few years, claiming that I’m ready to stop drinking, or at least ready to start drinking less. But…let’s just change it up here for a second. Let’s, for arguments sake, say what if I’m not ready? Can we just play the other side …
Sometimes, I simply just want to scream. That’s how I feel after leaving a stressful therapy session last night. I feel like I fucked it up, I feel like things I said were left untouched, ignored or not explored. I’m feeling frustrated and…simply like a failure. I can tell when my therapist is frustrated with …