Every…however often it is…things seems to feel worse. The shift is subtle, and usually, no one would be able to tell. But there’s one area where the shift becomes incredibly blatant and apparent. I don’t smile, I don’t want to be touched, I’m not going to pretend to be happy for your benefit…I’m exhausted all …
Holiday season, birthday season…it all happens now. My youngest sons birthday is in a week. Then Christmas. Then my older sons birthday a month after that. Being a mom has made me realize just how much I missed out on growing up. I was never loved, I was never taken care of…no one was ever …
Today was most of what I hoped it would be. A perfectly overcast, gloomy, quiet day (mostly) to myself. A day I wish I could repeat over and over again. The hours went quickly and the day ended as fast as it began. That isn’t usually how my days go. They are usually filled with …
Happy Saturday, everyone! Oh, it has been a looooong week. My son is still pretty sick, and last nigh was rough for him. He was crying in his bed every few minutes “mommy, I need a tissue again, open the door!” He refuses to let me leave anything different or new in his bed. I …
I’ve written this post and deleted it so many times over the past few days. I don’t know how to say what I need to say. No, that’s not true. I know exactly how to say it. For once, I know how I feel. Or at least I know the initial, gut reaction to how …
Holidays are tough for me. Thanksgiving, specifically, is one of the worst. I grew up in an extremely cold, abusive and scary household, with the abuser being my sister. I am not at all a hateful person, but I can confidently say that hatred is the only feeling I have towards her. She is 9 …
My son is still struggling with being pretty sick. His genetic disorder causes him to be extremely weak, so he isn’t able to cough effectively enough to clear his own airway, which puts him at a huge risk for aspiration pneumonia. My days have been filled with smacking him on the back and helping him …
My son is sick. His birthday is in exactly 2 weeks. He’ll be 3 years old. (And no, I’m not okay with it.) He is the unfortunate recipient of a horrible genetic disorder, along with his older brother, gifted by none other than myself. The way genetic disorders work in families, each member can experience …
I don’t want the weekend to end, I don’t want my role as the (only) caretaker, as shit taker, as nurse, as mom, as therapist…to begin again. On the weekends, I can stop. If even just for a few hours…my husband willingly takes them for just a little while. On a run in the stroller, …
Oh, hello there, darkness. It’s you and I, once again. Why do we always meet up here? On these quiet, dreadful evenings. It’s Friday, thank God, and this week has been… Well, let’s not mince words. This week has been absolute shit. For so many more reasons than one. I’m glad I’m still here….I know …