The dark nights

Broken feelings

Broken is all I feel, all I know how to feel. There’s so much to feel, but no space to feel it. So I guess I’d better not feel anything at all. When words don’t match your actions, don’t match your feelings…what are you left with? Say I’m fine, or worse…admit that I’m sad, continue …

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All or nothing

She’s right, I am all or nothing. It feels good or it doesn’t. And if it doesn’t feel good now, it must never have felt good. Laying next to me like a stranger instead of holding me like a friend. It isn’t his fault. I’m sure it’s mine. It always is. Right? Tonight did not …

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I don’t want to do what’s hard, I want to do what feels good.

That’s the phrase going around in my head right now. Like a child throwing a tantrum. I don’t want to do what’s right, what’s hard…what’s “good”. I want to do what feels good. What feels good right now. Not next week, not next month, I want to feel good right now. I want what’s easy, …

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No sheep to count

Another night, laying awake. While most people count sheep, she counts bad decisions. “Actions have consequences”. The words she reminds her son echoing in her head, as if she didn’t already know them to be true. It wasn’t a bad day. She didn’t do anything wrong or hurt anyone, she nearly never does. Yet still, …

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