What do you say to the people in your life when you’re as broken as a person can be? What do you say when you walk into therapy after a week that’s felt about 3 years long? Is there a point to being brutally honesty…to getting everything off my heart that’s weighing me down so […]
Showing up or shutting down? Read More »
The sun sets on another blah day, and I can tell I’m going to be in for a rough night. When the darkness creeps up on you, building and building and building just all day long…you can try to fight it…but sometimes, it’s out of your hands. My husband came home with a migraine, indicating
Not another crisis mode….right? Read More »
Sometimes, things just get so bad that I shut down, even from myself. I know it seemed like things couldn’t possibly get worse…but I assure you, they did. The kind of worse where I hit some new lows that I haven’t hit in a few years. The kind of low that I’d describe as almost
Now don’t lose your fight, kid Read More »
What do you do? What do you do when it’s 12:01 in the morning. You want to sleep. In fact…you’re desperate for sleep. Yet…there’s something in the way. That nagging…loud and getting louder and louder voice…telling you to stop. To give up. To go away. It’s tomorrow now. Just barely. Maybe we still consider it
When words are hard to find, when my voice gets silenced and writing becomes impossible….thats one of the biggest red flags that exists for me. There are some things that, over time, I’ve learned are major signs that something is wrong. Namely, not being able to write, and also the opposite…writing a ton. Writing because
I need a minute. Or maybe two. Just to catch my breath again. These past few weeks, these past few months even, have been…unimaginably difficult. And truthfully, there’s no end in sight. I need a moment of stillness. Of peace, and stillness…and quietness. No fires to put out. No emergencies. Or hospital stays. Or crises.
Catching my breath Read More »
It’s day 4 of my 7 year old son being in the hospital with respiratory failure due to a severe asthma exacerbation coupled with muscular dystrophy. I’ve been there for every second of it. He hasn’t been stable. I couldn’t leave. I wouldn’t leave. Tonight, I came home. I needed to shower. And sleep. And
I’m drowning faster than I am able to pop my head up above the surface to catch my breath. It all keeps piling on. Like weights added to my feet. I’m trying my best to keep afloat. Get my gasps of air whenever the opportunity presents itself. But it seems like life is working against
Sinking or swimming Read More »
I feel like I just can’t anymore. And that’s hard. It’s a hard pill to swallow. I feel like can’t do it. I can’t be the person everyone needs me to be. I can’t go to sleep because the nightmares terrify me. Or I’m (accurately so) afraid to fall asleep, because I know damn well
I can’t anymore……..can I? Read More »
Sometimes, you just need to take a minute to feel all of your feelings. And that was me last night. Somewhere abound 11:30 last night, I just broke. I felt as alone as I actually am. And I allowed myself to feel it. Instead of texting my best friend, being upset with her because all
Alone in the worst ways Read More »