The dark nights

Dear Husband, I’m sorry for the past year.

I owe you an apology. Probably more than one. While you have certainly had your share of flaws and missteps along the way…this post is not about that. This past year…really the past 2 years now…have been the ugliest of my life. They’ve been brutal. You’ve seen the worst of me, you’ve picked me up …

Dear Husband, I’m sorry for the past year. Read More »

Why am I sad?

Does this happen to anyone else? I could be sitting there, attempting to drown out the noise from the universe around me…trying to convince myself that I’m fine. That everything is fine. But then randomly, my face betrays me and starts leaking. (Damn allergies.) I’m just in the middle of watching a show, drinking my …

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War of voices

Tonight is an absolute shit show, where I’m sure I’ve made mistakes. All I want to do is give up. All I want to do is listen to the demons and the voices in my head telling my my life isn’t worth it. That all I cause is pain and burden and problems. That voice …

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Midnight again

Another night spent welcoming the morning. An empty glass begging to be refilled. No thought consumes my mind more than the anxiety of an empty glass. He begs to go to bed. Not in words, but in actions. This divide is causing issues I don’t know how to solve. “I’m used to it”, he says. …

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1:14am

It’s another miserable night. Sitting alone in the bathroom with a drink in hand, struggling to make the right choices. I feel like shit. Do I deserve it? Is he wrong? Does he care? Each drink tells me a different story. One more and I’m right. Another and I’m a piece of shit. Deserving only …

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