The dark nights

All or nothing

She’s right, I am all or nothing. It feels good or it doesn’t. And if it doesn’t feel good now, it must never have felt good. Laying next to me like a stranger instead of holding me like a friend. It isn’t his fault. I’m sure it’s mine. It always is. Right? Tonight did not …

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I don’t want to do what’s hard, I want to do what feels good.

That’s the phrase going around in my head right now. Like a child throwing a tantrum. I don’t want to do what’s right, what’s hard…what’s “good”. I want to do what feels good. What feels good right now. Not next week, not next month, I want to feel good right now. I want what’s easy, …

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No sheep to count

Another night, laying awake. While most people count sheep, she counts bad decisions. “Actions have consequences”. The words she reminds her son echoing in her head, as if she didn’t already know them to be true. It wasn’t a bad day. She didn’t do anything wrong or hurt anyone, she nearly never does. Yet still, …

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Dear universe…

Dear universe, please help me. I feel so scared and alone right now. Everything hurts and I feel like there’s no way out but…out. I’m losing ground in a battle that isn’t mine to win. I feel like I’m drowning, and instead of sending lifeboats, people are throwing rocks. Universe, I don’t ask of much …

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