Tomorrow evening, I will once again have to face the person who sexually assaulted me a few weeks ago. Due to the nature of who this person is, it is impossible to simply remove myself from their life, from their presence. It is an ongoing situation that I am still desperately trying to find safety …
Often times in my life, the harder things get, the more I pull back. It can feel like I don’t know what to say, or that I don’t know how to say it, so I just don’t. I withdraw, even from myself. I get into this rut, and it’s so hard to crawl out of. …
It’s not a secret that I’m struggling. I feel completely alone and vulnerable and just crappy. Last night was rough. My husband had anxieties that I could feel, but he didn’t communicate them with me until after I was already affected by it. He later did, but the fact that he lied about it in …
Late at night, after admittedly too many drinks…I feel everything. I feel everything I’m afraid to feel during the day. I feel what I hide, what I shut down, what I convince myself just isn’t worth feeling. But it’s there. And it is worth feeling. It demands to be felt. It resurfaces constantly. Every single …
Do nights bring out the worst in me? Or are they just more honest? Read More »
Ah, deadlines. I don’t know what it is about it, but I just can’t seem to get it together lately. The end of July brings a few deadlines. I need to renew my professional license (not that I’m currently working, but I don’t want it to expire), and I need to send in the application …
That’s it. That’s all I have to say for now. Life is freaking hard. And it’s painful. And it’s often times confusing as hell to navigate. I often have no idea what I’m doing. Because this crap is hard. I often question whether or not it’s supposed to be this difficult, but that really doesn’t …
Sometimes, something happens in your life that is so big, so painful, so thought consuming…whatever it is, it’s huge. To you, it feels like everything. It could be an anniversary, a traumatic event, a breakup, a loss, whatever it is, to you, it’s everything. It feels like the biggest thing in the world. When it …
When you question how the Earth is still spinning Read More »
It’s usually at night, once the alcohol starts reclaiming its all to familiar home within my body, that my brain allows itself to wander. To feel, just for a moment. “Tell someone”. My head is screaming at me to tell someone. Tell my husband. Tell my friends. Tell literally anyone. Sometimes I think one drink …
Sometimes something happens, and it leaves you feeling helpless, or scared, or however you’re feeling. For me, sometimes it feels like the world is just way too big. Like I don’t know what to do next, or there is just too much to do, or too many stressors. I don’t know how to explain it …
It’s been a while since you’ve waken me this abruptly, with images so vivid I question their reality. It’s been a few days since I’ve sat awake at 2am lonely and afraid to close my eyes again. Usually I dull you, nightmares. Usually I drink you into silence. I suppose I fell asleep too early …