Month: July 2021

The time has come for more honest conversations

Tomorrow evening, I will once again have to face the person who sexually assaulted me a few weeks ago. Due to the nature of who this person is, it is impossible to simply remove myself from their life, from their presence. It is an ongoing situation that I am still desperately trying to find safety …

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Do nights bring out the worst in me? Or are they just more honest?

Late at night, after admittedly too many drinks…I feel everything. I feel everything I’m afraid to feel during the day. I feel what I hide, what I shut down, what I convince myself just isn’t worth feeling. But it’s there. And it is worth feeling. It demands to be felt. It resurfaces constantly. Every single …

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Life is hard.

That’s it. That’s all I have to say for now. Life is freaking hard. And it’s painful. And it’s often times confusing as hell to navigate. I often have no idea what I’m doing. Because this crap is hard. I often question whether or not it’s supposed to be this difficult, but that really doesn’t …

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When you question how the Earth is still spinning

Sometimes, something happens in your life that is so big, so painful, so thought consuming…whatever it is, it’s huge. To you, it feels like everything.  It could be an anniversary, a traumatic event, a breakup, a loss, whatever it is, to you, it’s everything.  It feels like the biggest thing in the world. When it …

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When the world feels too big, make it smaller.

Sometimes something happens, and it leaves you feeling helpless, or scared, or however you’re feeling. For me, sometimes it feels like the world is just way too big. Like I don’t know what to do next, or there is just too much to do, or too many stressors. I don’t know how to explain it …

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Hello, nightmares

It’s been a while since you’ve waken me this abruptly, with images so vivid I question their reality. It’s been a few days since I’ve sat awake at 2am lonely and afraid to close my eyes again. Usually I dull you, nightmares. Usually I drink you into silence. I suppose I fell asleep too early …

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