Tonight, like so many nights from the past, has me sitting on my bathroom floor, alone, drinking, while my husband is asleep in bed. It’s not that late. It’s only 10ish pm at the start of this writing. (Which speaks nothing of the potential end of this writing. Because as I get ready to post …
Familiar, yet unfamiliar. And that is so important. Read More »
Well, in typical Monday fashion (and every day lately) my morning, once again, started way too early at 4:30am. Ugh. When your kids, who, theoretically are old enough to know better, continuously wake you up way too early in the morning (between 3 and 5am) every single day….it can be really hard to get past …
Today was awful. I will go into more detail tomorrow when I post, but, for now, the relevant information was just that it was a really, truly bad day. I was upset. I was triggered. All of the worst feelings of anxiety and panic and feelings of not having control over ANYTHING in my life …
Yesterday, I was sad. And since it’s springtime…the only obvious solution was to buy some more baby chicks. This is something I do every year, and plan for ahead of time…but yesterday was a spur of the moment decision. I already have 15 coming at the end of May…so it’s not like I wasn’t already …
Well, we made it to Monday. We got through the weekend and now we’re here. I don’t mind Mondays so much anymore because usually my oldest son is back at school (except today he is still home), and I end my day with therapy. I’m looking forward to therapy tonight because it’s one of those …
I tried to go slower tonight. Start later, make it weaker…drink it more slowly. And I succeeded. Until about…an hour into the night. And now, here we are. And I’ve had more than I should have. Still having more than I should. I know I should stop. I want to stop. I know I’ll regret …
I’ve been denying it for weeks. It’s not that bad, it’s a coincidence, there’s no way I’m there yet. But tonight, it was undeniable. A sudden, massive headache, a different kind of anxiousness, and shaky hands. All from being 40 minutes late on my first drink. It took a little longer to put the baby …
It’s no secret that lately, I’ve been heading down a dark path. A path that I’m honestly trying to get off of. I’m working a lot harder in therapy and trying to stick to the goals we come up with, I’m being more open and honest…I opened up to my best friend about it… But …
I don’t want to burden you, but thank you for being there. Read More »
It’s a night. Nothing is wrong except for the fact that everything is wrong. Lighters are tempting. Sharp objects are tempting. Pills are tempting. And I just want it all. I want to die. I want out. I fucking want out. There are parts of me that don’t care about the joy or the love …
I know myself as a failure. That’s how I recognize myself the best. Not good enough, inadequate…an imposter in my own life. No matter what role in life I take on, I’ll never do it justice. A mom? Please. Not good enough. You’re lucky they’re still here. Still okay. Not to mention the fucked up …