Therapy last night went…almost as well as it could have. Thankfully, we seem to be back to normal, and there isn’t any of that uncomfortable tension or awkwardness between us anymore. Now, it’s just back to the regular awkwardness and anxiety. Hah. Mostly, we talked about addiction, and what the fuck I’m going to to …
“Good morning, Alana. Take a seat and we’ll be with you shortly!” That’s exactly what happened this morning when I walked into the heart hospital. I’ve been here enough that they no longer ask my name, no longer ask why I’m here…they just know me. Now, granted, I suppose I do stick out a bit…I’m …
Well, I had a very familiar, very scary mindset set in on Friday. I had just gotten the kids to bed, no one else was home, and I was getting my own dinner ready. Then, as I was standing there at the sink, I saw it. An open bottle of wine….just sitting there. Speaking to …
Surrender. To give up control of something to someone else. You cannot fix someone else, you cannot make them get help, you cannot force them to address and acknowledge a problem that they are not ready to. When you do addiction work, you hear a lot about that word. About surrendering. And also of acceptance. …
I woke up today just feeling…bad. Sad for no specific reason, with this sense of doom that it’s just going to be a bad day. There’s no real reason for it, nothing that triggered it or caused it…I just…feel sad. I feel hopeless and lonely and like nothing can or will ever change. Honestly, my …
When therapy goes well, everything else seems to go well, too. Last night, thankfully, therapy went well. And by “went well”, I don’t mean that’s she’s “nice” to me, or easy on me, or anything like that…(although that is always preferred)…I mean that we end up having a good conversation, I don’t feel overly anxious …
The closer my due date gets, the more ready I am to have this baby. Physically, emotionally…I’m just ready to have him here. I’m 31 weeks pregnant now, and I was 1cm dilated at my appointment last week and am officially on “bed rest” (sort of, I’m really fucking bad at it though). I know …
Well, for the first time in literally months….it is raining here this morning! I love the rain. And I’ve been seriously missing it. Rainy weather is my favorite kind of weather. It always seems to perfectly match how I feel. A little dark, a little stormy…with sometimes a little hope, and maybe even a little …
When my 5 year old son was younger, probably around 2 or 3, he used to know every word to the songs that came on the radio, or that I used to play while driving in the car. He’d sing, and he would get upset if I didn’t sing too. He’d yell “mommy, sing!” at …
Singing in the car, and how depression steals joy Read More »
Last night, for the first time in 3 or 4 years, I had to cancel therapy. Usually, I’d rather die than actually cancel. But I wasn’t left with a choice last night. It sucked, and now I feel a certain sense of despair and hopelessness that therapy usually (hopefully) combats. It was just another night …