A quiet optimism

Usually, when things change for me, they change for the worse. But this time, I’m trying to be hopeful that we’re on an upswing instead.

I haven’t had any alcohol since Thursday night. That means I’ve got 2 days as of right now. Tonight would be the third, but I’m not making any decisions about how tonight will go because I know if I do, I’ll just self sabotage and probably mess it up.

This is the probably matched with the longest stretch of sober days I’ve had by choice…ya know, ever (aside from vacations, because I don’t count those).

I thought I was really far from getting back to this place ever since September when I lost my therapist of 10 years, and my 17 year old dog all within the same week.

But I’m trying to live the life I want to live. I want to be happy. And healthy.

I want to be in control of alcohol. Not the other way around.

I want to be in control of my life. Of my own happiness.

And alcohol, as much as my brain is SCREAMING at me to believe, does not create happiness.

I don’t know where this goes next. But I’m silently hopeful, and quietly optimistic.

I want to live the life I deserve to live.

And that just doesn’t include alcohol.