This week has been a massive variation of highs and lows, and I can honestly say I’m just so glad that it’s finally Saturday. And that I can’t wait for therapy on Tuesday.
Overall, I’m feeling pretty okay this morning. I have the entire house to myself for a least a good few hours, and that’s exactly what my brain and body needs to thoroughly reset and feel strong enough to deal with the days to come.
I don’t know exactly what today has in store for me, but I can pretty much guarantee it’s going to include a salad, crocheting, folding some laundry, and enjoying the peace for however long it lasts. Maybe I’ll even get to read my book for a while too.
Yesterday was an insane and chaotic day and to be fair, I deserve a break today.
My 6 year olds class had a field trip to the zoo, but due to circumstances, they don’t have a bus driver, so parents are basically required to drive their kids and be there the entire time. Fine, not a huge deal, but I also have to take my 2 year old with me…and carrying him around the zoo for hours with my body just isn’t going to safely happen. So my husband came with us, and all 4 of us (and his entire class and their parents) spent the morning at the zoo.
It was a beautiful day weather wise and they had so much fun. It felt nice being there with him and being part of those memories, so I am glad it worked out that way. But I was definitely hurting by the end.
Oh yeah, he fell on his face at school last week, so don’t mind the cut up face 😬🤦🏻♀️
We finished with the zoo with just enough time to drop off my husband and 2 year old at home, and then head BACK to school for my oldest son to watch his presentation.
It’s a Montessori school, so they do presentations every few weeks and parents are allowed to come watch. I had originally told Christian that I wouldn’t be able to be there because of Phoenix’s field trip, so it felt really great knowing I could surprise him.
His face when I walked into his classroom was priceless. And it was well worth my physically demanding day. Sitting in those tiny chairs made for 1st and 2nd graders for a few hours is borderline abusive for my body, but hey. We do what we need to do.
I was able to show up for both of my kids yesterday, and I’m a world where I fear I have so many shortcomings and areas I wish I were better in, the one thing I will ALWAYS do is show up for my kids.
They are a priority to me, and nothing we’ll ever interfere with me showing up for them. Even when I don’t want to and my body is tired. His face when he saw me there to support him is why we do it.
I also showed up and supported a good handful of my friends through some pretty big things this week too. From adoption grief to parenting and just general mental health yuckiness. Which…is so normal for me.
I’m the friend that loves to help. That is honored to show up, and support and help work through the hardest moments. But what struck me as odd is how they all thanked me for it afterwards. All of them. Everyone who I specifically showed up for in a big way this week…they all went out of their way to thank me for it.
It felt weird because it’s just such a normal and immediate thing for me to do. Just…showing up for them.
I don’t know. Maybe because my kids obviously don’t thank me (I don’t expect them to, they’re wild and feral 😂)…..
….but it just made me stop and kind of step back and wonder if, maybe it isn’t so easy for everyone just to show up? Like, this is a skill that I have, it’s rooted in empathy and love and genuinely caring. On top of that, I’m pretty good with words. And we all know I have the life experience to back it up.
So maybe it is something that not everyone has. Or wants to do. Just…showing up. Supporting. Building people back up when they feel so torn down.
Whenever I can help someone, I truly feel honored. Like, they’re coming to me with something and it’s an opportunity to use something that I’m pretty naturally good at. If that makes sense.
I don’t have all the answers. I’m not the best person. I’m flawed and broken and messy and all of it.
But I know how to show up. For my kids. For my friends, for my husband….
But I think I need to learn what it means to show up for myself, too.
Maybe that’s what today is. Accepting the gift of peace and time and an empty house, and not feeling guilty for it.
Today is mine. Well, at least a few hours.
And I don’t take these moments for granted.
💖