Things have been…ugly bad lately.
Summer home with all 3 kids has been impossible. And it’s only been 2 weeks.
It’s my oldest in particular that’s challenging me the most. He’s struggling with the transition between school and summer, and he’s reflecting in his behavior.
I’m doing the best I can with it, but I’m the one dealing with them 24/7, including weekends by myself while my husband works extra hours.
It’s been hard.
I broke down yesterday after a particularly rough morning. We were driving to therapy for the kids, OT and speech, and I just…yeah. I was sad. And frustrated. And broken. I told my husband that I was going to drop them off at therapy and just drive away and go wherever life takes me.
Obviously I did not do that, and I’d never do that…so I cried instead.
Both his speech therapist and occupational therapist noted particularly bad behavior yesterday too from my son, which oddly, made me feel a lot better. Like, it’s not me thats the problem…because he was still challenging even with other people.
I understand neurodivergence and ADHD and autism…and honestly, those made sense to me and I can handle those. I mean, shit, I have those too, so it’s pretty easy…at least comparatively. it’s the behaviors that enter the realm of ODD, oppositional defiance disorder, that I really have a hard time with.
I had therapy last night, so I’m glad I at least had something to end the day with that was able to help me vent or express my frustrations and thoughts in a healthier way.
I woke up this morning dreading the day. As soon as I left the safety of my room, it was like I couldn’t breathe. The stress of the day and that impending doom feeling just punched me in the gut, and it knocked me out.
I’m not setting today up for failure… and I’m still trying my best.
But I am so exhausted. I’m mentally tapped out, despite trying so hard to stay present.
I wish I could get away. I wish I could leave and just give myself the break that I deserve. But I know that’s not an option right now.
I’m doing my best, but these days are hard. And they are long.
It’s only 7am, and I already cannot wait for the day to be over.
Oh, Jackie, that is so hard! I’m really sorry that Christian is challenging you so much. Is there anyone you trust that could take the other 2 of your hands for a few hours so you could have some positive quality time with him alone? He probably feels overwhelmed by the summer changes as well. I hope your day flies by. 🫂
Yeah that’s honestly not a bad idea, I feel like just resetting everything and starting clean after a good day would probably help. Maybe this weekend we can make something like that happen