Sometimes I miss him so much. I don’t know how it’s possible to miss someone who sleeps 6 inches away from me, but sometimes I am just really missing that deep emotional connection.
Nothing is “wrong”, our relationship is more or less solid, but I just feel so alone sometimes. We can be together…but not exactly together.
I brought it up to his this morning. I just looked at him and I said “I miss you”. He smiled and told me that he’s right here. I said “I know, but I miss you”. He agreed and said he felt the same way, that recently it feels like we’re just missing that deep connection. I don’t know why, and I don’t know why it happens, but it hurts.
I’m not sure if there is a solution, or even a problem for that matter. I just miss him so freaking much that it hurts. It doesn’t even make sense, because we both want the same thing. We both want each other, and to feel that meaningful connection.
I think sometimes life just gets in the way. We get caught up in stressors and feeling like failures individually, so when we do come together, we’re both too in our own heads and not capable of being truly open to the other person.
Marriage is hard, and it’s truly a marathon. It takes constant work and nurturing. And COMMUNICATION.
At the end of the day, I know how much I love him, and I will always put in the work to find our way back to each other in the way that I need to feel.
But in the meantime…I’m feeling very alone and weak. Not because of him, it’s just that when we are rock solid, he gives me a lot of the strength and love that I need to function.
I guess I need to learn how to provide that for myself…..but that’s much easier said than done.