Does this happen to anyone else?
I could be sitting there, attempting to drown out the noise from the universe around me…trying to convince myself that I’m fine. That everything is fine.
But then randomly, my face betrays me and starts leaking. (Damn allergies.) I’m just in the middle of watching a show, drinking my drink and then…I’m just suddenly…sad. I don’t know another word for it.
It’s brutal. The randomness of it. Like…why? Seriously…why.
I am trying to turn my brain off. I am trying not to feel. So like…if the rest of me could just cooperate with this plan of numbness…that would be GREAT.
I’m just not having the best time here lately. I don’t even feel justified in feeling badly. That’s the thing that bothers me the most. I don’t have any good reason to feel anything. So it just feels selfish and wrong.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just going through a thing. I’ve been writing some intensely dark shit lately. I’m trying to work through things and make sense of things and …it’s just not going well. Holding all of this in….keeping it to myself…
Well, it’s leading to my face leaking at random times. And intense amounts of alcohol consumption. (Not that that’s a ton different than usual…but still. It’s more.)
So…that’s all just great. I’m randomly miserable for no reason, I feel guilty about it and like I don’t deserve to be, so it’s all going REALLY well right now.
But guys, DON’T WORRY. I know what to do. The queen of solutions and good decisions here has a GREAT idea.
Ima make another real strong drink. I’m sure that will fix it. Right?
Right????
Am I happy yet?
I’d say that being sexually assaulted not long ago is a pretty good reason for feeling crappy.
And for anyone else, I’d agree that that’s a super valid reason. But for some reason for me, it doesn’t feel like a good reason at all and I should probably just get over it.
❤️
Sometimes, you know, those emotions are so strong that our best attempts to ignore them, drink them away or distract ourselves just aren’t enough. The feelings just grow and grow, as if saying, “Pay attention to me!” It seems like that’s what is happening to you. Those feelings *really* want some compassionate attention (and yes, deserve that attention, too). 💜💜💜
Yeah, that does sound pretty accurate. ❤️