I’ve lived my life listening to the lies of others, which then turned into lies to myself.
I’m not worth it.
I’m a cancer.
Nothing will ever be okay or better.
This is just how it is, and I deserve it.
I’m a failure, I ruin everything.
I’ve been told I should die. Repeatedly. That the world would be better off for it.
I’ve always championed change within everyone else. I live my life in service of others, often times offering them the very thing I’m so desperately searching for myself. Love, connection, safety, understanding…hope.
We’re all born into a life that we don’t get to choose. We all have an internal narrative. A script we’ve heard, a script we’ve created based off of what we have heard…
The voices in your head aren’t entirely your own. They are the culmination of all of your life experiences. Both the positive and the negative.
The voice we hear at the end of the day, the one that somehow determines our worthiness, our usefulness…that voice can sometimes, oftentimes, be wrong.
I hear the words and phrases on repeat that I grew up hearing.
It’s all my fault.
I ruined her life. Everything was fine until I was born.
They hate me.
I’m making it up.
I ruin everything.
Why can’t you just be normal, happy?
Why can’t you just ignore her? Stop defending yourself, that only makers her angrier.
All of that, and so much more.
I grew up hearing, flat out being told on a daily basis, that I am, in fact, the reason for all things terrible. That everything, is quite literally ALL my fault.
I’m not the only person who grew up hearing things that weren’t true. I’m not the only one to believe those false things. And I’m not the only one to suffer because of it.
But, here I am now. However many years later, still battling with myself. Still trying to prove my worth, trying to convince myself that I’m worth it. That I’m worth the time, the struggle, the effort and the fight.
You don’t have to believe the lies anymore. The lies you’ve heard or been told, or the lies that you’re continuing to tell yourself.
It doesn’t matter where you’ve been or where you are now. None of that matters.
What matters is right now. What matters is where you’re going, where you want to go. You deserve all of the good that anyone else does. You’re not unworthy, you’re not unlovable, and you’re not broken beyond repair.
I hope you believe that.
Because it’s true. You’re still worth fighting for. And you can change the lies that you tell yourself.
Because it’s just that….lies.
You deserve the good, too. Don’t listen to the voices that try to diminish your self worth and your value as an individual.
You’re worth it. Fight for yourself. Because you’re important, and you deserve it.
It’s not too late to start living a different story, a different narrative.